Page 37 of Midlife Woes (Ex)

“I know that’s right. Lemme see how I can make Jonathan jealous so I can get in on some of this action.” Sheila, with her crazy self, looked like she was giving it serious thought.

“I gotta go get outta these jeans because this center seam is not helping my sore cooter.”

The two of them fell over themselves, laughing as I duck-walked from the room. I think I’ma have to take up yoga again, for real. Heyyyyy, that’s right. By next week I’ll have something for Long John Silver’s ass.

JOLENE

As promised, he showed up at my house about five minutes after his break started, which means his ass was probably stalking my neighborhood. Sheila had left half an hour earlier to take her ass back to her house, where she was supposed to be working from home.

I’d already showered again and put on a tee shirt and some shorts without panties because the cooch needed airflow. The staff was off on Mondays, thank heaven, because I wasn’t sure what the hell was going to happen, and I have a tendency to scream when he’s trying to split me in two.

I made lunch just in case, but as soon as I opened the door, he was like a man on a mission. I lost my shorts somewhere between the door and the sectional couch in the TV room, got spread out on the edge of a seat, and fed him lunch.

Fed him my ass; he took what he wanted, though I can’t complain because his tongue helped ease the sting that was still lingering a little bit. Now, I used to be a cheerleader in school but it’s been a while since I did any splits.

So why did this man decide to spread my legs as far as they would go on that damn couch and think it was a good idea to force his hell cock into me like that? The only sounds in the room were my moans and the sound of flesh slapping flesh. No, that’s not accurate. My cooch was making those wet squeegee noises, and shit was dripping all over my white leather couch.

I thought for a second it was sweat from one of my hot flashes, but no, it was just my horny cooch letting him know she was enjoying it. That’s all well and good for her stupid ass, but I’m the one who has to deal with this shit.

You know, I can’t even tell if he’s cum or not because that tree stump he’s trying to kill me with don’t ever seem to get soft. It just plops out when he’s done and bobs in the air like it’s looking for something.

I covered my cooch and gave him the stink eye when he looked like he was coming back for seconds.

“You take your ass to work.” Now why did I point at his dick when I said that?

He laughed and helped me up, and I pulled on my shorts to help catch whatever the hell he had running outta me. Horse dick bastard.

“Why are you still walking like that? That medication was supposed to make it all better.”

“Really? Well, you just undid everything with that stunt. You want lunch or not?”

“I already had lunch, but I’ll take a snack.” He thinks he's cute with that boyish grin of his.

We sat next to each other at the island and ate the Po’boys I’d made with sweet tea. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing that I know of why? What you plan to break now?”

“Nothing, you pain in the ass. I’m having your new bed delivered tomorrow. They’ll haul off the old one unless you want to give it away.”

“Shouldn’t you ask me if I want to get rid of my bed?”

“While we’re at it, get rid of the sheets too.”

I guess he was pretending he didn’t hear me. Is this normal? I’ll have to remember to ask my girls once he’s gone. I don’t remember ever hearing about women having to change their mattresses, but what do I know? I’ve never been divorced before.

“I’m keeping my bed.” Now, why did I say that? I could care less about the stupid thing at this point.

“No, you’re not Jolene.” I think this must be the first time he’s called me by my name.

“Am too. You’re not the boss a me.”

I thought I won that one because he didn’t say anything, just finished his sandwich.” You finished?” I almost smiled at my small victory when he asked this before taking both our dishes to the sink. He rinsed them before putting them in the dishwasher, then dried his hands.

I yelped when he walked back over and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder. I started to grin because I thought we were going to have more sexy time. But he didn’t go to the couch this time. Instead, he pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and put me over his knees.

“What are you….?” Thwack. My mouth fell open in shock, and I reared up, and I looked back at him. He pushed my chest back down and continued.

Thwack, thwack, thwack. I lost count at five.

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