Page 36 of Midlife Woes (Ex)

He brought over some tub of something and dipped two fingers in it before inserting them into my cooter. If my doctor ever examined me like this, I’d bring him up on charges. Where I was sore before, I was ready for another round, but that bastard just grinned when I got wet and pulled out his fingers.

Now, I never knew that women could get so out of sorts when they needed sex, but when he left me high and dry, I imagined a hundred ways to kill him. He thought that shit was funny. I stepped into the panties he’d washed and hung in his bathroom the night before, yes he washed them himself with his own hands, and I was pissed because where the hell was he when I was raising four kids and didn’t take a piss on my own for about five years straight?

Anyway, I held onto his shoulder and stepped into my panties, then he pulled on my jeans and then my bra and tee shirt and my boots last. “You feeling okay?” He thinks I can’t see him trying not to laugh at me?

I ignored him and tried to flounce away but ended up doing the bow-legged two-step. “See why I won’t fuck you again? You’ll be sore for a month if I let my boy at you again.”

“Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean you’re right.” What the hell did I just say?

We had breakfast together in his big ass kitchen that held the biggest fridge I ever saw, not to mention an island that was easily three times the size of mine. Then again, he was a big guy, about six-four, and all muscle.

“I guess you need all this room to move around with that thing between your legs.” He spit out of his coffee and laughed until he cried. I don’t know why I had trots of the mouth, but it felt good to say whatever the hell I wanted without having to worry about hurt feelings. It was like hanging out with Sheils and Maeve.

He drove me home with that damn hand on my thigh again, but every time his fingers started to travel, I pushed them back in place. Until he just grabbed my crotch to make a point. “How am I supposed to sit like this?”

“You shoulda thought of that before trying to keep my pussy from me.” He doesn’t look crazy; I swear on everything I own.

When we reached the house, he walked me inside, stopped just inside the door, and pressed me against the wall before trying to stifle me with his tongue. “Don’t leave the house today. I’ll come by on my break and have you for lunch. That should give you enough time to heal up.”

He just left after saying that, and I slid down the wall on my ass. Then I remembered I had a call to make. I found my phone in my purse and had about a hundred missed calls from Sheila. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Sheils, you know that saying, I need to see a man about a horse? He is the horse.”

“Who?”

“Damon!”

“I’ll be right there, you wench.”

* * *

I heardher burning rubber getting into my driveway. This heifer walked into my house and saw me halfway to death’s door, and the first thing she asked was, “It was that good, huh!”

I squinted up at her because I’d used the last of my strength to get here. I’d put up a good front in front of him, but I’m gonna have to see about some things. ‘Sheila, I think I need to go to the emergency room. Can the cooch get a concussion?”

She laughed her ass off and helped me up off the floor. Once she saw the condition that I was in, with my legs spread all to hell and back while I walked on the balls of my feet she decided it was a good time to FaceTime her sister so the two of them could laugh at me.

“That’s nothing short of twelve-thirteen inches right there. You’re welcome.”

“How you know so good?” That set them off again.

“Bend down and touch your toes, Jo.”

“I would if I could find them.”

Maeve looked off-camera to yell at someone. “You see me doing something? I done told you already, when I’m busy don’t interrupt me.” She kissed her teeth and came back to us.

“Who is that?”

“My asshole boss. Give me all the deets. How many times, what positions, and did you cum?”

“Sheila, check the door because he has a habit of showing up when I’m talking about him.” She did just that, and we got down to brass tacks. You’d think these two heifers were the ones getting sprung, as Maeve called it.

“I was going to suggest we go lingerie shopping, but I think that might be setting you up for murder. I think I’m going home on my lunch break. Have mercy.” She fanned herself and yelled at her boss again. “I’m happy for you, sis.”

Sheila had tears in her eyes I don’t know why. And then she saw the flowers that I’d all but forgotten and showed them to Maeve. “Oh, I forgot to tell you guys about Kevin showing up at my door and Damon finding him here.”

“Ah, no wonder he tried to break your back. Real men don’t like other men near their woman.”

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