Page 131 of Summer After Summer

“Leaping ahead. Trying to see all the possibilities.”

Some of the fizz goes out of me. “Of us?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t do that,” I say as gently as I can.

Fred looks pained. “Why?”

“I feel like … can we just take this one day at a time? We haven’t had much success, you and I, when we try to plan the future too quickly.”

“You’re right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no.” He picks up my hand and kisses it. “You are perfectly right. We should be cautious.”

“Well, I meant more … not cautious exactly, but maybe more carefree?”

“Are we not?”

“We got engaged when I was twenty-one, so …”

“Is that not what people do?”

“Are you teasing me?”

“Maybe. Maybe I am.”

I grip his hand tightly. “I want this to work, Fred, I do, but let’s not put that pressure on us, okay? Not yet. Let’s … I don’t know, let’s be different this time.”

“I liked the way we were.”

“I know—me too. But Fred … it’s been a day.”

He smiles. “You’re right. It always feels longer with you, you know?”

My heart swells. “I do. I do know.”

“Once I counted.”

“What?”

“The days we were together. Because it felt like years, but it wasn’t that long.”

And now I want to cry because I’ve done that too. And it wasn’t enough. It was far too few. “I don’t think it’s the number of days that are important.”

“No?”

“No. I think—” Fred’s phone rings in his pocket. “Do you need to get that?”

“No. You were saying?”

“I was saying that I think it’s the weight of the days, not the number. But … I do want more days. I want a lot of days.”

“Good.” Fred’s phone stops, then starts again.

“You should get that.”

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