Page 97 of Under Ground

Lana leaves and I sit on the couch with Mom.

“She’s a lovely girl,” Mom says.

I meet her gaze. “I don’t know what I’d do without her. Lana and Casey have changed my life.”

She reaches out and palms my cheek. “I’m glad. I know your life wasn’t easy with it just being the two of us, and I know I’m a flake.”

I say nothing because I’d only agree and then upset her. My mother is a flake. But I always knew I was loved, and she backed me in whatever I did.

“I’m so happy to see you in love, and that little girl is just such a delight.” Her bangles jingle as she lays her hands in her lap.

I rub my forehead and then pinch the bridge of my nose. “Tell me about that night.”

She leans back and takes a deep breath. “We were all camped out for the festival. A group of us who were camped close to each other partied together. That included Reece’s parents.”

Lana returns, carrying a tray laden with mugs.

“You’re just in time,” I say, smiling as she stirs a spoonful of sugar into one and hands it to me. “My mother was about to tell me how she ended up sleeping with Reece’s father.” I know my tone is sarcastic, but I can’t help it. All this time she wouldn’t tell me anything, and now this.

Lana’s eyebrows rise, and I look back at my mother who’s all smiles to Lana as she prepares another coffee for her.

Mom takes the coffee cup and settles in to tell her story. “Over a couple of days, we all got to know each other. Some of us even made plans to catch up again after the festival. In the evenings, we were drinking.” She takes a deep breath. “On the last night, someone produced a packet of pills they’d been keeping for a special occasion.”

I glance at Lana. She’s gripping her coffee cup tight and watching my mother with sympathetic eyes. All I feel is turmoil, my stomach still churning over Reece’s reaction to this news.

Mom takes a sip of coffee and swallows before letting out a sigh.

“Everyone was high. They got carried away, and there was some bed hopping going on …”

“So, you and Reece’s dad?”

Mom nods. “If we were sober, I don’t think anything would have happened, but it did. Reece’s mother was with another guy, and—”

“I think we can skip some of these details,” I say.

She lets out a long breath. “I woke up in the hospital. Most of us were lucky. We were so sick, but we survived, but there was a handful of people who didn’t make it.”

“I didn’t even know you did drugs, Mom,” I say.

“I was young and stupid. What can I say? I smoked a bit of weed, but had never taken pills until that weekend. After that, I barely took an aspirin.” She lets out a small smile. “I’m well aware I’ve never been the greatest mother, but I was so wary with you. You were a risk-taker when you were little, but you would never have got your hands on any pills you shouldn’t have. I took care of that.”

Out of the corner of my eye, Lana wipes a tear from her cheek. I turn to look at her, and she blinks back more. “I’m sorry. It’s just so sad.”

Mom nods. “It was. We were just having some fun. And we all talked so much even before the drinking. Nick—Reece’s father, was so proud of his son. Reece’s mom, Abby, showed me a ton of photos of their little boy. He was just short of starting school.”

“That’s how you knew who Reece was.”

Her smile is so sad. “When you said you wanted to be an actor, I never thought …” She shrugs. “Maybe that’s a paternal trait. I don’t know. It’s not like I knew your dad very well.”

“Why wait until now to drop this on us? I asked you about him, but you never wanted to talk about it. Now, you’ve upset Reece.”

Lana grasps my hand and squeezes it as if to give me reassurance. I know she’s concerned, and we’ll spend a lot of time working this out. As if we didn’t need more drama on top of what I’ve already put her through.

“I didn’t plan to say anything. I always thought it was better to leave well enough alone. The circumstances were … complicated.”

“No shit, Mom. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I ask.

Mom looks up at the ceiling. “I never knew what to tell you.”

---