Page 79 of Back to You

Brandon: Other than announcing to the whole bar that I’m gay, I’m fine.

Michelle: Classic!

Brandon rolled his eyes and put his phone away.

“Michelle checking on you?” Ethan said.

“Yeah.”

“She sent me a ‘watching you’ emoji.”

“Better take that seriously. She doesn’t usually warn people.”

“Oh I know.”

They sat in companionable silence while Ethan giggled over his text messages and Brandon shook his head at him.

“It’s good to see you laughing,” Brandon said.

Ethan smiled at him. “It’s good to be laughing.”

Their gazes held together as the band finally kicked off the show.

They traded off buying each other drinks as the show went on, first beer, then soda as they both had to drive. This crowd was definitely into the band — Marcus would still be on a high about this Monday, Brandon was sure. He toasted his friend with his soda and got a head tilt in acknowledgement.

Once the band took a break, Brandon and Ethan could finally talk to each other. He wasn’t too sure if that was a good thing or not.

“Hey, did you see Tom Morgan came out with the next book in the Intergalactic series?” Ethan said.

Ah, books. A topic Brandon could happily talk about. They chatted about that book, as well as others they had read over the past few months. Brandon made note of a couple of titles, surprised to find Ethan so well-read these days.

“I never thought you’d come out of the work haze long enough to read so much,” Brandon said tentatively.

“Neither did I, to be honest. It’s been a long couple of months, but I’m easing back bit by bit.”

“How have the big bosses taken that?”

“Surprisingly well. Cartwright is always an issue, but I have to stand firm. I can’t keep killing myself for a job, no matter how fucked up my brain is.”

“Your brain isn’t fucked up. You just needed a little help.” Brandon studied his drink intensely. “I’m sorry I wasn’t that help you needed.”

“Brandon.” Ethan reached out to cover Brandon’s hand with his own. “You couldn’t have been the help I needed. You were too involved, and I was too reliant on you. I’ve realized more lately how much of a bad position I put you in. Not only was I neglecting you, but I was making you my reason for living. And you can’t put that much weight on another person without them collapsing. I don’t blame you for what happened, Brandon.”

Brandon’s eyes shot to his. “You don’t?”

“No. I never did.”

“I just feel like, maybe if I had pushed you, maybe if I’d seen you needed professional help —”

“You couldn’t have seen that any more than I could at that point. We were both too close to it.”

“What made you decide to see the therapist?”

“I had to hit rock bottom, I think. Lake is the one who told me to go, but he’d told me that more than once. It was that one night when I thought I saw you on a date. I had to get that low to know that there was no way I could keep doing it.”

“God, I’m so sorry —”

“No, don’t apologize! Even if it had been a date, my reaction was on me, not you. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty.”

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