Page 65 of Back to You

“You know what I mean. You’ve lost weight. And you didn’t have much to lose in the first place.”

“Well, you know. Sometimes I forget to eat.”

“You never used to.”

“A lot has changed, Brandon.”

They stood awkwardly, neither looking at each other too long. Ethan stole little glances at Brandon as often as he felt he could. He wanted to memorize every line and freckle and feature on that beloved face. Because he knew this was just temporary. Just Brandon coming to ease his mind a little bit, to try to shore up what little bit of sanity he felt he had left.

“You can’t keep this up forever,” Brandon said.

“I know,” Ethan said quietly, sinking into his chair. “I’m starting therapy. Lake is setting it up.”

“That’s good, Ethan. That’s amazing. I think you’ll get a lot out of that.”

“I hope so. I know I can’t keep going like I have been. I just feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole that I can’t get out of, you know?”

Brandon sat in the chair by his desk. “Lake said we didn’t hear each other when we talked about our problems.”

“Lake is surprisingly good at understanding other people.”

“And Michelle said we were codependent.”

“She’s probably right.”

“It’s surprising how clearly people outside the relationship can see the issues.”

“Too bad we didn’t.”

Brandon nodded, then they fell silent again. It wasn’t the comfortable silence they were used to. It was filled with regrets and pain and misery.

“I still love you,” Ethan said hoarsely. “I think I always will.”

“I still love you, too, Ethan. I wish we’d been able to make it work.”

“Me too.”

The two sat in silence until Brandon stood and walked out the door.

CHAPTER 15

“YOU’RE DOING THE right thing,” Nia said as she watched Ethan tidy his desk.

“I know,” he said. “It’s kind of scary, though.”

“A lot of things that are worthwhile are scary,” she said. “You just have to fight through that fear to get to the good stuff.”

It was Ethan’s first day of therapy. Lake had managed to find a local therapist who was accepting new patients, and he came and sat and held Ethan’s hand while Ethan called and set up the appointment. He’d opted to go to the therapist rather than try to do teletherapy — there was really no way to keep from being interrupted in his office.

So Ethan had said fuck it and planned to take the hour and a half off once a week to try to improve his mental health. Anyone who had a problem with that would likely have to go through Nia, who had gone full mama bear over Ethan in the past two months. He reflected once again on how lucky he was to have her and Lake in his life.

“I love you, Nia,” he said.

She blinked, then smiled. “Baby, I love you too. And I’m glad you’re finally doing something good for yourself. It’s been too long of you neglecting your mind and body.”

“We’ll focus on the mind first, body later.”

“That’s fine, but you’ll start eating more if I have to shove it down your throat.” Knowing Nia, she’d make good on that threat.

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