Page 88 of When I Had You

The sounds of the game are loud. I was trying to do anything to divert Cullen’s attention from what was happening outside that door. And I lied, telling him his dad was okay.

A million questions cling to the tip of my tongue as I stare at Harbor. I restrain myself from asking a single one in front of Cash’s son, but the knots in my stomach tighten, seeing how disheveled Harbor appears. His usually tan face has paled, his brow hanging low. Even his shirt is covered in what looks to be soot. The announcer’s yelling comes back in a flash. “Fire . . . no signs of life . . . Cash Ryatt has crashed.”

Tears fill my eyes, but I still refuse to let them fall. He says, “I need to speak with you.”

I nod so carelessly like the fate of my heart isn’t on the line. Rubbing the top of Cullen’s head, I kneel next to him. I can’t look into the eyes that match his dad’s and keep lying. So I keep my eyes trained on the game like he is. “I’ll be just on the other side of the door. Okay, buddy?”

“Okay,” he replies, too engrossed to seemingly care. Maybe this is his way to cope, so I won’t force a different response. I start pulling the door closed just enough to give us privacy on the other side of it but hold on to the knob. For my own support? I have no idea how I’m even standing here other than I’m using my best skills to pretend I’m okay.

I’m not. It’s not been thirty minutes, but it’s felt like torturous hours. I’ve been dying inside from the moment he crashed. Cullen matters more than I do, though, so I’ve been holding it together for him, acting like this is normal. I know it’s not . . . okay, so it’s for me as well, but now I’m faced with the strong possibility that everything won’t be fine, and worse.

Through the door’s crack, Cullen asks, “Is my daddy okay?”

Looking down, I see one green eye peeking up at me. I open the door enough to kiss his head and say, “He’s fine.” The lie doesn’t convince me, but I tell it anyway and put on the only smile I can force on my face, hoping it passes as genuine.

Cullen returns to the floor and picks up the game again, settling in against the couch. I close the door all the way this time and put on my bravest face for Harbor, wondering if he’ll believe it. It’s hard to swallow around the lump in my throat, but I manage to and whisper, “Please tell me I didn’t lie to his child.”

My brother holds on to my arm as if I’ll need the support and whispers, “He’s been taken to the hospital.” My head spins. I’m grabbed by the shoulders. “You need to sit down.”

“I need to get to Cash.” I glance at the door where Cash’s son plays on the other side. “I need to take care of Cullen. Where’s Laura, Cash’s mom?”

“Loch took her to the hospital.”

“That’s not good.”

“The belt didn’t release . . .”

I stare at his eyes, trying to make sense of the words he’s saying. I just can’t. “What does that mean?”

“His left side is burned. We don’t know how extensively.”

“Burns? He’ll survive, right?” I’m finding relief in the details. “We need to go to the hospital.”

Harbor stops me. “We need to temper our expectations.”

“What are you talking about? He can recover from—”

“They’re concerned.”

“Who?”

“The medical team. He was airlifted out of here.”

Airlifted? “How far is the hospital from here?”

“It’s not far, but traffic is an issue.” He steps closer and leans, making sure our eyes are connected. “We need to get Cullen to his father as soon as possible. I need you to hold it together for him. We don’t want to scare him, but we need to leave now. I have a helicopter—”

“You have a helicopter?”

“We can’t waste time. Minutes matter.” Stepping back, he looks down and rubs his forehead. “I’m sorry, Marina.”

I blink back tears. “Why are you saying sorry?”

His own eyes are glassier. “I’m just sorry.”

The first tear falls, and then another. I wipe across my cheeks and hold back the rest. His sorry doesn’t mean anything. “Cash is going to be fine. I feel it.” It doesn’t feel like such a lie when I say it with conviction. He nods, studying my face. When he opens his mouth, I say, “Not another word, Harbor.”

Dabbing my shirt to the inside corners of my eyes, I turn, take a quick breath, and go back inside. After explaining that we get to go on a helicopter ride to see his dad and grandma, Cullen holds my hand like the brave boy he is, and we’re led through the paddock.

---