Page 119 of Hot Streak

Then it was over, Connor breaking the kiss, fingers still lingering on his jaw, as he murmured, “It’s okay. I understand. When you get your head out of your ass, you have my number.”

Jackson didn’t open his eyes until the door closed behind him.

And then he cried.

Chapter 19

“It’s a beautiful ballpark, Jackson,” his mom said, as he leaned against the first row of seats in the lower bowl.

Farther down the open concourse, Annie and Constance were running around, their laughter echoing throughout the empty stands, Becca chasing after them.

“Yeah, it really is.” Jackson agreed.

It felt like for the last three days, all he’d been able to do was to put one foot in front of the other, painfully going through the motions, until he could get alone and stop pretending that he wasn’t suffering.

He’d almost forgotten his mom and sister had made plans to bring his nieces here for the weekend, but then his mom’s text had reminded him that at least he had something to occupy his time when he wasn’t pretending to play baseball.

Of course, the downside of that was that Charlene Evans knew him well. Too well.

So far, during lunch and the tour of the ballpark, they’d talked about everything but how he was pretending everything was okay, but it wasn’t okay at all.

“A fitting place to end your career,” she said softly.

Jackson’s gaze shot up. “I’m not—”

“Then tell me what has you so upset you can barely look at me or Becca. It’s like you’re only going through the motions, Jackson. I was sure it was because you’d decided to hang it up, finally.”

“I haven’t decided anything.” Except what a stupid jerk he was. He never should have gotten involved with Connor. Of course he’d known that, when it had happened, and he’d tried everything he could to prevent it. He just hadn’t been . . .well, something enough.

“Then what is it?”

Jackson debated what to tell her. She knew the bare bones of what had happened with Davy. Knew how much he blamed himself. How he’d never do that again.

“Connor got called up.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding happy for him, but something in his face must’ve stopped her. “Is that not a good thing?”

“It’s . . .” Jackson cleared his throat of the lump that inevitably arrived whenever he thought of Connor and how they had left things. He wanted to make it right. But how to do that? How to fix it without compromising Connor’s career? It was a conundrum he hadn’t solved yet. “It’s a great thing. And the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Oh, Jackson,” Charlene said and walked over, putting her arms around him. “You love him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe,” he croaked. Even though yes, she was probably right.

Nothing but love could feel this horrible.

“The way you talked about him. I wondered before. And he loves you, too, doesn’t he?”

“If he does, I don’t know why,” Jackson confessed. I fucked it all up. I pushed him away, because I’ve never been so scared. And it wasn’t for me, this time, it was all for him.

“Jackson,” she said reproachfully, taking a step back, giving him the look he’d always mentally thought of as “the mom eye.”

“When he got called up, I didn’t handle it well.”

“Why do I think that’s an understatement?” she said, rolling her eyes. “Why not? Did he tell you it was over?”

“The opposite, actually.” That wasn’t easy to admit. That Connor had handled himself way better than Jackson had. Of course, Connor wasn’t the one being left behind. But no matter how much he’d told himself that, it hadn’t helped alleviate his guilt over how he’d acted.

“You know what happened with Davy,” he continued defensively. “How could I risk his career? If I did . . .if I did love him, wouldn’t it be better if I chose the safe thing? The thing that gives him the kind of brilliant future he deserves?”

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