Page 118 of Hot Streak

Connor shook his head. “Sure, yeah, maybe you are, but it’s more than that. We both know it, Jackson. This . . .maybe we didn’t set out to have it mean something, but it did. It does.”

He’d known what he needed to do. Jackson couldn’t say he’d planned for it, but deep down, he’d understood that when Connor got called up, this would happen. And he’d need to take one for the team.

Even the thought of it had sucked, so he’d shoved it away every time.

But there was no shoving it away now.

“It can’t happen, Connor. You know that. I told you that, at the very beginning.”

Connor crossed his arms over his chest. “You did, and I thought you understood you were just plain fucking wrong.”

“Of course you thought that.” Jackson reached for the water. He did have to play tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, Connor would fly to Tampa and yet the earth would keep turning. Life would keep happening. Baseball games still needed to be played.

It was just his world that felt like it was ending.

“Why can’t we keep doing this?”

“I don’t know, ’cause you’re gonna be in Tampa, doing this.” Jackson motioned upwards with his hand. “And I’m gonna be here, doing this.” He turned his hand downwards, and even added a little crashing airplane noise that any other time, would’ve made him smile.

“Not forever. I know Deke has got someone, and they make it work.”

“That someone isn’t in baseball and I think if you really asked him, he’d tell you the truth about how fucking impossible it is.”

“So, it’s hard? And you just give up?” Connor took a step forward and then another until he was in Jackson’s face, pushing right into his bubble of personal space. “I thought you were more than that. Better than that. You’re Jackson Evans. You can do anything you set your mind to.”

“Except make the majors.” The confession was bitter on his tongue.

Connor’s face softened. “I know this sucks for you. If I could take you with me, I would. You deserve it. I don’t know why some people make it, and others don’t. You should have.”

“I told you why,” Jackson said. “And the same thing is gonna happen to you, if you’re not careful.” He didn’t have to tell Conor that insisting they stay ‘together’ was not being careful.

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take because . . .” Connor trailed off, and for a second, Jackson thought he might actually get away without Connor making everything even worse than it already was.

But of course, that wasn’t in the cards.

Connor’s expression turned vulnerable. He could hurt him, Jackson knew. He should hurt him, because maybe in the end it would save him.

Right now, he didn’t know which was worse.

“I’m willing to risk it,” Connor continued, in a softer, exposed voice, “because I’ve never felt like this before. And I know you feel the same way I do. You wouldn’t be working so goddamn hard to push me away if you didn’t.”

Jackson turned away. Swallowed hard. “Remember what I told you. Don’t shake off the signals. Take it goddamned seriously, like the opportunity this is. Play the game with a combination of fear and arrogance, okay? Like you own every moment, but every moment they could just snatch it away.”

“That’s all you’ve got? Baseball advice?”

Jackson shrugged. It was better than crying.

Then he felt Connor’s fingers on his chin, gently raising it so he could look right into that gorgeous face, one more time.

He knew the kiss was coming, but like every time, he was helpless to resist it. Felt himself sink into it, as Connor wrapped his arms around him.

It was a thank you.

An I’m sorry.

An I don’t hate you, even if I should.

An I love you.

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