Page 17 of Courageous Devotions

Colton looked surprised, opened his mouth, and then shut it immediately. If he said one thing regarding how she’d raised Zane, she would get her keys and leave in a heartbeat, she thought defensively. Nobody was going to judge her for having to work her fingers to the bone in order to put a roof over their heads – which just burned to the ground - and food on the table.

“Let me get your keys,” he said simply, nodding, and walked off. When he walked back in there a moment later, he handed her the car keys and paused. “Please don’t leave with him.”

Eris started with surprise and looked at Colton. His eyes were wary and full of fear, she realized. He actually was terrified that she was going to leave – and felt guilty because she had just considered it.

“If I didn’t say it before – I’m saying it now,” he began, his voice hoarse with humility. “I want my chance to see him grow up. You mentioned a few days, then stay a few days, but give me the chance to convince you to stay longer. I can provide for you both if you’ll let me.”

She nodded tightly, hating the way tears were stinging her eyes. Where was this man years ago when she was scared and alone? Yeah, it hurt, and the wounds were there – but wasn’t she being just as cruel to take Zane away now that he knew he existed?

If he was giving a few inches. Perhaps she should, too.

“I, ah, well… I could use help on Friday watching him,” she admitted nervously. “My neighbors would help watch Zane occasionally or sometimes I would ask one of my mother’s old friends – but only if I was desperate. He can be a handful.”

“I’d be happy to watch him,” Colton smiled, his own eyes shiny with ardent relief. “Thank you.”

“I need to work and explain what happened so I can figure out my next steps…”

“If you need to talk, I’m here.”

“I really appreciate the offer, Colton,” she replied quietly, nodding. “Give me a chance to see if I can sort this disaster out – and it means a lot that you even mentioned it. I may not seem grateful, but I am. I’m just nervous.”

“I get it,” he chuckled openly. “I’m nervous too. I don’t want to cross a line with you or drive you away again.”

“I don’t know where that ‘line’ is.”

“Fair enough,” he nodded. “I really need some coffee and food. Why don’t you get Zane taken care of, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a little while.”

“Thank you.”

The moment Colton turned and left the room, Zane looked at her; he was always listening and taking in everything. He was so intelligent, quickly learning and asking questions all the time.

“Nuhrrrdus, Mama?”

“Nervous… oh yes, sweetie. Very much so,” she whispered, kissing his cheek and little neck, making him giggle.

7

* * *

COLTON

It had to be Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Colton thought in a wild panic at the thoughts running through his mind.

When Eris asked for her keys, the first thing that ran through his mind was to scream ‘no’ and flatten her tires. She obviously didn’t trust him before to tell him about the baby. He needed that trust – and it wouldn’t happen by preventing her from leaving. Instead, he nearly begged her to give him a chance, and those unspoken chances had him completely coming unglued.

He wanted to put her up here— both of them. The other bedroom was a blank slate. He’d laid carpet, and that was it. He could paint it whatever color she wanted, make it a nursery and paint it light blue, or whatever her heart desired… so long as she stayed with Zane.

After waking up this morning and seeing both of their sleeping faces, it hit him exactly what he’d missed. He never got to cut the cord when she delivered their child. He never rocked Zane to sleep. There was no cheering his son to take his first steps or celebrating when he said his first word.

“I hope his first word was ‘da-da,’” he muttered, starting the coffee pot with a heavy sigh. Getting out a pancake bottle, he added water to it and shook it violently while putting a skillet on the stove. “I don’t even know what Zane likes to eat…”

“He loves pancakes with sliced bananas,” Eris said from behind him quietly, causing him to jump. “And yes – his first word was da-da no matter how hard I tried to get him to say ‘mama’…”

He smirked sheepishly, shaking his head because he’d been caught griping.

“’Nana?” Zane volunteered, scrambling to get down just as the dryer buzzer went off in the distance. Both he and Eris looked toward the noise, and he moved into action.

“Here,” he said, grabbing a few raspberries and putting them on a paper plate. “I have some berries for you. If you want to grab his clothes out of the dryer, Eris, he will be able to run around without tripping on my shirt.”

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