Page 61 of The Fallback

‘Jas, I’m sure he doesn’t think it was deliberate.’

‘I don’t know,’ sighed Jasmine. ‘Wouldn’t you, though? Just a small part of you?’ Rosie said nothing. She knew what Jasmine meant.

‘And now of course there’s nothing left to fight over, anyway.’ Jasmine’s face contorted as a fresh wave of grief hit her. Rosie caught her in her arms and shushed her. ‘And I can’t help feeling angry at Chris, even after everything,’ Jasmine admitted. Rosie tried to catch up with Jasmine’s thought process.

‘What do you mean?’ Rosie asked carefully.

‘That he never wanted the baby, anyway and now he’s got his own way. And that makes me a terrible person because of course it’s not his fault!’ she wailed.

‘You’re grieving,’ Rosie said firmly. ‘It’s OK to feel all sorts of terrible things but you’re right, it’s not Chris’s fault. It’s not anyone’s fault.’ She squeezed Jasmine tight. ‘And when I spoke to Chris he sounded devastated. I know he’s grieving as well, even if having another baby wasn’t something he had planned.’

Jasmine put her head on Rosie’s shoulder and nodded. ‘I know,’ she said softly, ‘I know he is.’

They sat side by side in silence for a while. The house still felt empty to Rosie without Rory and Joe racing about. Their absence seemed even more noticeable when she considered the reason she was sat with Jasmine on the sofa.

‘I’m a bit jealous of you, you know,’ Jasmine eventually said.

Rosie edged away in surprise. ‘Of me? Why?’

‘Because you’ve got all the baby years ahead of you.’

Rosie grimaced. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure of that,’ she said darkly. ‘I’d have to find someone who wanted to have babies with me first. And I’d want to be sure I wanted them, too,’ she followed up swiftly.

‘What about Mitch?’ Jasmine looked at her. ‘What’s the latest on your plan? Have you discussed it again?’

Rosie leaned forward and pretended to be considering drinking the cold tea. The milk had gone filmy on top which made her feel a bit sick. She couldn’t bring herself to drink it even if it meant she couldn’t hide from Jasmine behind her mug.

‘Shall I make us another tea?’ she suggested, holding her mug up at Jasmine. Jasmine frowned at her.

‘Anyone would think you were avoiding my question,’ she said sternly.

‘Hmm, yeah, well maybe I am,’ Rosie admitted. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Complicated how?’ asked Jasmine, ‘You and Mitch have always been able to talk about things.’

‘Yeah, well maybe this was something we should never have discussed in the first place,’ said Rosie tautly. ‘It’s tricky.’

‘Go on, then,’ said Jasmine, reaching forward and passing her cup to Rosie. ‘You can make me another tea but only because I didn’t drink the last one. And don't think that we won’t be discussing Mitch as soon as you’re back.’

Reluctantly Rosie took the cup from Jasmine. Now that it was no longer a means of avoidance, she had lost her desire for one. But if Jasmine wanted a tea she would make her a cup. Rosie felt it was the least she could do for her poor friend.

‘Be right back,’ she said as she made her way through into the kitchen.

Rosie was reaching into the cupboard to find the tea bags when she heard Jasmine behind her say, ‘I felt like a change of scenery.’

‘You made me jump!’ Rosie said accusingly, turning to see Jasmine sat on a bar stool staring at her.

‘I’ve been sat on that sofa most of the night, at least if I’m sat in here when Chris gets back, he might worry less.’

Rosie looked at her watch. ‘When will he be back?’ she asked, suddenly aware that although she and Jasmine might be finding their way back to an even keel, her brother might not take too kindly to finding that Rosie had taken the morning off, and was in his house when he had specifically asked her to give Jasmine some space.

‘Not for a while,’ Jasmine answered. ‘I told him to go to the shops after he had dropped the boys off. I wanted some space. No, no it’s fine,’ she said as Rosie began to apologise for her presence. ‘It will do him good, he’s been cooped up at the hospital and then fussing around after me. And besides, you make better tea than he does,’ she added, as Rosie pushed a fresh mug across the island at her.

‘Well, that’s true,’ said Rosie smiling at the thought of Jasmine, despite everything, still refusing to drink the weak tea that Chris always made.

‘So,’ said Jasmine. ‘Mitch.’

Rosie leaned against the island across from her and pulled a face.

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