Page 60 of The Fallback

‘Two years!’ exclaimed Rosie, ‘You’ve been fighting about this for two years?’

‘Not at first, it started out as a bit of a joke. I would just refer to it every time someone made a comment about how big Rory was getting, or when he passed certain milestones. But the more I tried to make it a joke the more I became certain I wanted another baby.’

‘And Chris didn’t?’ Rosie questioned.

Jasmine shook her head. ‘Definitely not,’ she said. ‘He said we had always discussed two, we’d just got past the nappy stage, life was getting easier, if we had another one we would have to move, get a new car.’ She sighed. ‘All the usual things people say when they’re trying to talk themselves out of having another baby.’

Jasmine pulled her knees up to her chest. ‘He told me to be practical, that he was used to me being the rational one. But the problem is that there’s nothing rational about wanting a baby and he just didn’t understand that.’

She began sobbing and laid her head down in Rosie’s lap. Rosie stroked her hair and felt her own heart tug. It wasn’t the same, but Rosie could empathise. Jasmine was right, there was nothing logical or practical about wanting babies or not wanting babies. It was the most illogical thing in the world when you thought about it, yet people did it all the time.

‘I’m so sorry, Jas,’ Rosie said again. ‘He’s such an idiot.’

Jasmine jerked away, sitting up. ‘No, he’s not!’ she said vehemently. ‘He’s right, itisimpractical, itisn’trational and lifewasgetting easier. We had always planned on two, so what gives me the right to throw a spanner in our plans and change that?’

Rosie let her arm fall back into her lap. ‘I just meant that I would have hoped Chris would have been more supportive and more understanding.’

‘He was, Rosie,’ Jasmine said adamantly, ‘but he was also sure that he didn’t want another baby. And one of us was going to lose that fight.’

Rosie sat and stared at her now cold cup of tea. She didn’t know what to say. Jasmine was right, either she or Chris were going to lose this fight, and neither one had the right to force the other to live their life in a different way. Rosie looked at all the beautifully framed photographs on the shelves and mantelpiece opposite her, each one of them a testament to the life that Chris and Jasmine had created together. There were newborn photos of Rory and Joe, first day of school photos, family holidays and other occasions. In every one of them they were all smiling. From the outside they had seemed so happy.

Rosie couldn’t imagine what life had been like for the last two years for Jasmine or for Chris; both of them knowing that the more they dug their heels in, the unhappier they were making the other. It made Rosie think about her own choices. All she wanted was for Mitch to be happy, and if Jenny made him happy then maybe she had to swallow her own misery and be happy for him. Even if that meant giving up on the idea of having a baby – a baby she hadn’t even thought she wanted until a few weeks ago. She just needed to get him to talk to her again. She could live without the romance, but she didn’t think she could live without his friendship.

Rosie was aware Jasmine was looking at her, expecting her to say something. ‘So, aren’t you going to ask me?’ Jasmine said.

‘Ask you what?’ Rosie replied, suddenly conscious that once again she was thinking of Mitch and not of her grieving friend.

‘What happened,’ Jasmine said flatly. ‘How we got from fighting about another baby to losing this one?’ Fresh tears began to run down her cheeks.

‘Right,’ said Rosie, realising that so far she only had half the story. ‘So, what happened?’

‘A few months back I had a stomach bug,’ Jasmine started.

‘I remember!’ exclaimed Rosie. ‘We were supposed to be going to the new exhibition at the Royal Academy and you had to cancel.’

‘Yep, well it turns out that even after twenty years of careful birth control I still forgot that being ill might make the pill less effective. And then…’ she paused, ‘then I discovered a few weeks later that I was pregnant.’

Rosie felt her heart contract. Poor Jasmine. After all that debate with Chris, to then get pregnant by mistake. Jasmine turned to her with an earnest expression on her face.

’It was an accident, Rosie, honestly.’ She grabbed Rosie hands and gripped them tightly.

‘Of course,’ Rosie said with confusion, feeling she was missing something.

‘It’s just…’ Jasmine paused. ‘I’m not sure Chris completely believes me.’

Rosie’s stomach sank. Right, because it would be all too easy for it not to have been an accident. She looked at Jasmine’s desperate face and believed her with absolute certainty.

‘Jas, I believe you and I’m sure Chris does, too.’

Jasmine shook her head sadly. ‘He’s never said anything and I don't think he ever would, but I’m sure he sometimes wonders.’

Rosie thought of her brother; his honesty and openness had always been an essential part of his character, but even so, after such a lengthy and bitter argument, Rosie could imagine that there might be some small part of him that every so often questioned whether the stomach bug was entirely responsible.

‘What did he say when you found out you were pregnant?’ Rosie ventured.

‘I didn't tell him at first.’ Jasmine’s voice quavered. ‘I was so worried that he would think I had done it deliberately, but then of course it looked like I hadn’t told him because I wanted us to have less time to make an alternative decision.’

She clenched and unclenched her hands in her lap. ‘But when I did finally tell him he was lovely,’ she said earnestly, looking at Rosie, desperate for her not to think ill of Chris. ‘He said it was a surprise, of course, but that we would make the best of it.’

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