Page 59 of The Fallback

Rosie stood on the doorstep for quite some time. All was quiet behind the front door. She was just starting to think about putting the flowers she had brought on the doorstep and leaving when she heard the latch click. The door swung open and Jasmine stood in the doorway wearing her pajamas and looking pale and drawn. For a moment neither of them said anything until finally Rosie held out the flowers she was carrying and asked:

‘Can I come in?’

Jasmine looked at Rosie but said nothing. She let the door fall open and stood to the side to let Rosie through. Stepping into the hallway, Rosie couldn’t help but notice the silence in the house. She was so used to being here when the family was there, amid all the mayhem that wrought. Jasmine waved her hand at the coat rack, indicating that Rosie should hang hers up. Carefully Rosie closed the door behind her, shrugged off her coat and then stood facing Jasmine.

‘Jasmine,’ Rosie started, ‘I’m sososorry.’

Jasmine didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at Rosie. ‘You’ve been ignoring me,’ she eventually said in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.

‘It’s not like that,’ said Rosie before realising that actually, it wasexactlylike that. ‘Can I give you a hug?’ she asked tentatively. Jasmine raised her shoulders noncommittally and although she didn’t hug back she allowed Rosie to wrap her arms around her as they stood awkwardly in the hallway. After a moment Rosie stepped back and looked at Jasmine.

‘Can I make you tea?’ Rosie asked. ‘You should come and sit down.’ Jasmine allowed herself to be led into the sitting room. Once again Rosie wished they had one of those sofas that enveloped you, rather than the hip achingly modern one which made you feel guilty about sitting on it for too long.

‘I’ll be right back,’ Rosie said, leaving Jasmine sat with her legs curled up under her staring at the wall opposite.

Rosie knew her way around their kitchen. She busied herself with making tea, Jasmine probably wouldn’t care right now how it was made but Rosie knew how picky she normally was. Carefully, she carried the mugs back into the sitting room and placed one on the coffee table in front of Jasmine. For a moment Rosie wondered where to sit, Jasmine hadn’t exactly welcomed her in but it seemed too awkward to take a chair on the opposite side of the room. Gingerly, she sat on the sofa a little way away from Jasmine, clutching her mug.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Rosie said again. ‘For everything,’ she continued. ‘I’ve been a rubbish friend, a terrible sister-in-law. I should have known something was wrong.’

Jasmine continued to stare ahead without saying anything. After a moment’s silence, Rosie started again.

‘I’ve been so caught up in my own world that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. Jasmine, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?’ she pleaded.

Eventually, Jasmine sighed and reached forward for her tea. ‘I know,’ she said, still not looking at Rosie. ‘I know you’ve been busy and I know you’ve got a lot to think about with Mitch and everything.’ Rosie felt herself shiver involuntarily. ‘But I don’t think you stopped for a minute to think that you’re not the only one with things going on in their life.’

Rosie stared ahead. It wasn’t going to be comfortable listening to what Jasmine had to say, but maybe she was right and maybe Rosie needed to hear some home truths.

‘You’re so caught up in your own world at the moment, it’s been all you can talk about – Mitch, dating…’ Jasmine paused. ‘It’s not like I don’t care, Rosie, and ofcourseI’m interested but to be honest it’s all been about you. When was the last time you asked me a question about my life?’ Jasmine looked at Rosie, who tried to meet her eye. ‘You act as if just because I’ve got Chris and the kids, it’s OK to ignore me. But things might not be as perfect as you seem to think, and youneverbother to ask.’ Jasmine sounded bitter and close to tears.

‘You’re right. I do think your life is perfect.’ Rosie waved her arm around the immaculate living room. ‘You always seem to have everything so sorted: gorgeous kids, a successful career, beautiful house…’ She paused, wondering whether to risk a joke. ‘Husband might be the weak link if you don’t mind me saying.’

Luckily, Jasmine smiled wryly. ‘He’s not so bad,’ she said, finally, ‘especially after what I’ve put him through.’

Rosie warned herself to tread warily, she didn’t want to push her luck and ask outright what was going on, but she saw an opening in what Jasmine had said, a softening towards her, perhaps a desire to talk.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she ventured.

Jasmine gripped her mug tighter and seem to shrink in on herself a little. Rosie reached over and rubbed her arm. Jasmine didn’t flinch, which was a good start.

’We’d been fighting,’ Jasmine eventually said. Rosie kept her hand on Jasmine’s arm but said nothing. ‘Not constantly, but on and off for a while.’

Rosie let the silence lie for a minute and then asked, ‘Was it about anything in particular?’ Jasmine said nothing. ‘Or just lots of different things?’

Jasmine turned to look at her, her eyes filled with tears, ‘It was always the same thing,’ she said in a thick voice. ‘I wanted another baby, and Chris, well, Chris didn’t.’

For a moment Rosie didn’t know what to say, she had never imagined Chris and Jasmine having a fight, they seemed so calm and civilised all the time. And she certainly had never thought that Jasmine would want another baby; two children had always seemed like their plan. But then she realised that she had never asked them what their plan was, she had just presumed.

‘Oh, Jas. I’m sorry, I never realised you wanted another baby.’

Jasmine put her mug down and pulled a crumpled wad of tissues out of her pocket and wiped her nose on them.

‘I never thought I would, either. Two was always my plan. But then Rory turned three and my plan didn’t seem to work anymore.’

‘Hang on,’ said Rosie. ‘Rory turned three two years ago. You mean you’ve been feeling this way for two years?’ Jasmine nodded miserably.

‘Jasmine,’ Rosie said and scooted closer to her on the sofa, putting her arm around Jasmine’s shoulders. ‘When did you tell Chris this?’ she asked.

‘Two years ago,’ Jasmine said through her soggy tissues.

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