Page 18 of The Fallback

‘Of course I forgive you. But I don’t understand why you think it’s a good idea for me to have Mitch’s baby,’ Rosie said, half laughing, bringing the topic back around.

‘Well,’ chuckled Nadia, picking her croissant back up now that the terrible awkwardness seemed to mainly be past. ’I thought that if youdidwant children, then really would it be so bad to have one with your best friend?’

Rosie looked incredulous.

‘I’ve heard about fallback plans,’ Nadia continued, ‘friends making them with each other. And I’ve done some research?—’

‘Of course you have,’ said Rosie, rolling her eyes.

‘I’ve done some research’ continued Nadia pointedly, ignoring Rosie’s interruption, ‘and they seem to work in a lot of cases. I mean, you’re far more likely to get a fair division of labour if you go into it with a friend rather than through the outdated conventional patriarchal marital system.’ Rosie couldn’t help but smile, Nadia sounded so much like Jasmine at that moment. Not that she would have told her that.

’And if you didn’t want children,’ Nadia quickly added, ‘maybe this would be a great way of forcing you to finally meet someone and bring them to the Christmas party.’

‘Firstly, can we just circle back to the part where you think it would be a good idea for me and Mitch to have a baby together, even supposing I did want a baby.’

‘Do you?’ challenged Nadia.

‘Erm, well, I…’ faltered Rosie. ‘Jasmine asked me the same question,’ she admitted.

‘And what was your answer?’

‘I said I didn’t know.’ Rosie looked down at the desk. ‘But having thought about it, I guess the answer would be yes,’ Nadia’s eyes lit up, ‘If…’ Rosie carried on ‘…ifI met the right person and no offence, Nadia, but I’m not sure Mitch is the right person for me towantto have a baby with.’

Nadia considered this, then nodded her head in agreement and picked up her coffee.

‘Hang on,’ she said, putting the cup back down and leaning forward across Rosie’s desk. ‘Did you just say that you’re not sure Mitch is the right person for you towantto have a baby with?’

‘Yes?’ said Rosie, not understanding the point.

‘You didn’t say that youdidn’twant to have a baby with Mitch.’

Rosie looked stricken. There was a long pause.

‘Because there is a big difference between those two statements.’ Nadia paused. ‘And if you’re saying that you don’t think it’s right that you want to have a baby with Mitch…’ Her voice trailed off. A look of understanding and surprise crossed her face. ‘Oh,’ she said breathlessly, ‘oh, gosh, Rosie, I’m sorry I never realised.’

Rosie shrank back in her seat, looking defeated. She exhaled deeply, ‘No, of course you wouldn’t realise. It’s totally stupid.’ Recognising that Nadia had finally seen through to the crux of Rosie’s dilemma, she put her face in her hands and sighed deeply. ‘It’s totally ridiculous to be completely hung up on a friend I’ve known for years who has never shown the slightest interest in me.’

Rosie felt tears pricking her eyes and furiously wiped them away with her fingers. She pushed herself away from her desk and stood up. Turning from Nadia, she stared out of the window down into the London street, unsure if she was looking for inspiration or an escape. There was a long pause, neither of them said anything.

Eventually Rosie turned back to face the room. ‘But if we’re being honest here, it’s also the reason that I haven’t found anyone yet.’ She looked over at Nadia desperately. ‘It’s quite hard to date when you’ve already met your ideal man.’ She sighed again. ‘And it’s even harder when he’s your best friend.’ She threw her hands up in exasperation. ‘So you can see why Mitch suggesting this fallback plan is a complete disaster.’

She met Nadia’s gaze; there were tears in her friend’s eyes. Rosie realised she didn’t think she had ever seen Nadia cry before, or even come close, not even when she had accidentally poured hydrochloric acid into a paper cut on her hand. But before Rosie could think more on the subject, Nadia was round her side of the desk enveloping her in a huge hug. It took Rosie completely by surprise, for someone so short Nadia had a remarkably wide arm span.

‘Does he know?’ Nadia asked eventually, letting go.

‘No!’ exclaimed Rosie. ‘No one knows. Well, no one apart from you, now. And it has to stay that way.’ She looked beseechingly at Nadia.

‘Yes,’ agreed Nadia, ‘of course.’

They both paused for a breath. Nadia stepped back, still holding Rosie’s hands in her own and looking at her.

‘I suppose I have wondered over the years if there might be more to you and Mitch than just good friends.’ Nadia looked into Rosie’s eyes. ‘But then you both seemed so happy being just friends, and nothing ever happened between you two, did it?’ Nadia saw a look pass across Rosie’s face, and took a sharp intake of breath. ’Oh, Rosie, no! Something did happen, didn’t it? When?’

Rosie shook her head and disentangled her hands from Nadia’s, wiping the tears that had been forming in her eyes with the back of one of her hands.

‘It was nothing,’ she said, ‘it was ages ago, soon after we first moved in together.’ Nadia waited for her to continue.

‘We’d been out for someone’s birthday, I can’t even remember whose it was now.’ She laughed as if that was such a ridiculous thing. ‘Mitch had had too much to drink and we ended up kissing.’

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