His smile falters.
“I was going to ask you that. I can put a few pieces together, but…” Edwin swallows.
He’s in so much pain. I want to take it away. If I didn’t hurt already, I would.
His eyes take me in as if he can’t believe I’m right in front of him. “I found you tied up to a chair in your office. There was a break-in. The safe was emptied and–”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Hush, I don’t give a shit about that. You think I give a damn about a weekend of money compared to your life?” His thumb caresses my chin. “I’m just so glad you’re alive. That you’re awake.”
“How long have I been out?”
“A while. But that’s okay. The doctor said you had a mild injury. No long-term effects, hopefully. Though you might have a hard time remembering–”
“I love you.” The words come out of me like a geyser that has just blown up. It comes with no rhyme or reason other than it must be said. It’s the words I’ve been dreaming while I’ve been unconscious, the moment I lamented not being able to live for while the gun was pointed in my face.
Edwin’s mouth opens, then closes.
He shakes his head like there are marbles that need to be knocked loose and then blinks. Each movement so small and average, yet on him, beautiful beyond belief.
And then he smiles, tilts his head to the side, confusion shining through. “What?”
I reach up for his cheek, though my limbs feel heavy. “I love you.”
“Maybe you don’t remember that the last time you sawme, you told me you couldn’t…” His voice trembles. “I don’t want you to say something if you don’t remember.”
“I remember, of course I remember.” Maybe notof coursein these circumstances. However, it’s emblazoned on my brain, the last time I saw Edwin. “You told me you loved me. I told you I couldn’t love you back. Because I was scared. But then…” I trap a lock of hair at the nape of his neck between my fingers. “Then I was held at gunpoint. And I was so scared I was going to die. But only for one single reason.”
Silence falls over us.
Hospitals are a special kind of quiet. The coming and the going of lives. Love hanging in the balance, desperate prayers asking for miracles.
Edwin and me… We’re a little bit of a miracle.
“I didn’t want to die not being able to tell you that I love you. It would have been my biggest regret if I’d–”
“Don’t say it, Sonia, please don’t” His voice is no more than a whisper.
I smile at him. “But I lived. And the first thing, the very first thing I have to do is tell you. I love you, Edwin. I love you.”
His head droops down. He shakes it. And then he begins to cry. Tears rush down, over my hand.
“It’s okay. I’m alive. I’m right here. Shhh…”
Ever since I met my Phoenix, things have been on unsteady ground. It’s a constant state of wondering when the earth will open up and swallow me.
Now despite me lying in a hospital bed with a wound that has my head pounding, the earth is steady. At last.
Everything is sure and right.
I love him. And it is a truth I will live by regardless ofeverything else. Of Nate, of my job, of the loan sharks, and all the fear.
My love for Edwin comes first.
“Please be serious.” A pleading in his voice I didn’t know he was capable of. “Please don’t be lying or trying to–”
“I swear. I swear on everything. I’ve been trying to ignore it, trying to tamp it down. But I can’t. I love you, and I want you to love me so bad.”