Page 67 of Useless Love

As I’m packing and trying to figure out how I’ll survive the trip with Carmine since we’ll be alone and he might expect sex now, Arianna saunters in.. Unlike the other day, she shows no emotion whatsoever.

My sister has always been like that—hot and cold.

I glance at her, still angry that she treated Carmine so harshly at mother’s party. She claimed it was so he’d stop probing about my sadness. I understand, but she still didn’t have to be so mean to him. He thinks she’s Gaia, so in the future when I’m back to being Gaia, he’s going to hate me and think I’m a major bitch.

Even though I’m a little upset with her I say, “I’d like you to go on this trip instead. You already had…sex…with him, and if you like him it’s a good chance to get to know each other.”

Confusingly, she shakes her head. “If I spend too much time with him, he will notice the difference between us. I'll deal with it after I'm his wife instead.”

“Yeah but what if he kisses me and then wants sex.”

She laughs. “Well, I tried to satisfy him this morning when I snuck over to his place, so maybe you can tell him you’re on your period and he has to wait. I mean, I gave him anal, so he should be good for a few days.” She winks at me and I feel sick.

She really did that with him this morning? While I was sleeping? I hold my stomach. God, this hurts my heart so much. Carmine thinks he’s doing those things with me so…should I be flattered? No, it still hurts.

Ignoring my inner thoughts, I suggest she go in my place again, adding, "You are going to marry this man. I can coach you on how to act. You can call me when you need advice. I know what he likes."

“I know what he likes too,” she says with a smug grin. “But you have to be careful and not tell Victoria or anyone that Carmine is having sex with me before marriage. He’s fine with it, but we both know it should be kept quiet for honor. This morning, we agreed to not even mention it with each other. We can have sex, but neither of us can discuss it. I’m just letting you know so you don’t bring it up.” She points at the door. “Guards are everywhere, you know. And they’ll tell Father.”

I nod. I guess that makes sense.

“So, if anyone finds out I’m not a virgin, Carmine might get angry and call off the wedding. Then I’ll be fucked. If I don't marry Carmine, what other options do you really think I have? Everyone by then would know I’m not pure.

I sigh. "How do you always get yourself into bad situations like this?"

"The problem is fixed. Carmine has saved me and I want to be a better person."

I stuff some panties in my suitcase. "After California, I'm done with you and Carmine and this dumb game."

Thanking me, Arianna leaves the room. I don’t know if she was really trying to help by having sex with him this morning, or if she just wanted to have fun. If they’re having sex regularly, he’s probably going to expect it during the trip.

I decide not to think about it because I’m simply exhausted from everything and my heart is hurting too much.

After I pack, I say goodbye to my family and then ride the elevator down with the guards. One of them is usually with Ari, so I ask, “Joseph, did Carmine and Ari meet at his place this morning?”

“Y-y-yes,” he stammers. “She was with him for a while.”

My chest feels heavy. I just needed to check, considering my sister’s history of deceit. But maybe I shouldn’t have asked because I want to cry.

With all my strength, I need to fight this growing love for Carmine Gaudino. Afterall, I’m practically promised to another man. Thank god Carmine and I haven't fully crossed the line of no return. It's not unknown for a father to kill a daughter who lied about her virginity. Maybe he didn’t hurt Arianna because he’s always known she was a lost cause. But me…he has high expectations for me.

I say a quick prayer, asking for help during this trip. Fighting temptations is definitely something God can help with. I only hope Ari is right and Carmine will be satisfied enough to leave me alone and won’t bring it up. I certainly don’t want him mentioning everything he’s done previously with my sister, thinking it was me.

I'll be on my toes the entire trip, worrying about what can go wrong.

Arianna

Gaia has to be fucking kidding me. She has one damn job, to court Jr. Guadino so I can come in for the kill at the right moment. Leave it to her dumb ass to fall in love. I can’t tell what she’s feeling because it’s written all over her face.

Of all the pieces of shit she could love, she picks Sal Gaudino's son. Gaudino, the same organization that killed Luca, Diego, Franco, three of our fucking blood brothers. Plus, many members of our organization. Gaia is at church crying for all of our dead family members, and she loves their murderers. Hypocrite.

Over my fucking dead body will I let that man get a happy life. And my father, accepting him as a son-in-law. I’m starting to have doubts that he’ll be proud if I kill Carmine on our wedding night. Will he or won’t he? And am I the only member of this family who didn't swallow a crazy pill?

I meet my cousin, Anna, for drinks in a Salvatore organization bar in downtown Manhattan. I need to rant.

"Gaia really loves Carmine?" Anna says while sipping her wine.

Seething with anger, I ask, "How? How can she love a man who killed her brothers? Tell me how the fuck that's even possible."

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