Page 8 of The Photographer

”Denise!” a boy yells over the crowd, and I recognize it’s the one who wolf-whistled when I photographed Denise on the street. ”Are you partying with us tonight or what?”

”Can I?” Denise asks, clasping her hand underneath her chin as she looks at Ellen. ”Can I…?”

”No,” I growl and they both stare at me. ”Your mother probably wants to celebrate with you.”

”It’s fine,” Ellen says flightily and I want to shake some sense into her. ”I want you to enjoy your special night. You go ahead, baby.”

”Thanks mom!” Denise says cheerily, giving her mom a peck on the cheek before running off to her friends. The boy puts an arm around her and possessiveness in me almost splits me in half. Snarling like mad, I move to launch myself at those little embryos that think they have a chance with her when Ellen stops me.

”Um, what are you doing?” she asks, then shakes her head. ”You’re not partying with those brats. Did you forgot your age?” She cackles. ”Drive me home will you? Stay a while. We’ll have a couple of glasses of wine and reminisce about the old days.”

”I don’t know…”

”Don’t be such a bore!” She slams a fist into my chest. ”Come on, you damn dinosaur…”

I clench my jaw, gritting my teeth and before I follow Ellen, I look at the crowd but I can’t find Denise anywhere. She’s gone. And I want to tear apart my own ribcage and flush my heart down a toilet.

****

Ellen and I end up sharing two bottles of wine. I end up drinking most of it, until I’m too intoxicated to drive and she suggests, I sleep over. Chuckling to herself, she waltzes into her bedroom and I look at the couch. The sheets are there, the pillow is there and I sit on the edge, burying my head in my hands.

It’s two hours past midnight and Denise is still not home. I don’t understand how Ellen isn’t going crazy but I feel like I’m slowly losing it. My head spins and I let out a groan, leaning back. There are photos of Denise everywhere, on the walls, on the mantle. Wherever I look, her pretty face is watching me and I shift. I’m restless, feel like I have ants crawling around in my clothes and I can’t sleep even though I have a pounding headache from the alcohol. I glance at Ellen’s bedroom door, grinning a bit when I hear her snoring all the way out to the living room. She’s fast asleep now. She won’t know if I get up and have a look around.

So, I do just that.

I walk down the dark hallway, searching for Denise’s room because I have to be close to her somehow. I don’t know which door is hers, but then I see one with a heart shaped knocker. That one has to be hers and I slide the door open. My knees go weak when I’m hit by her scent straight in the face. I inhale deeply and quickly close the door behind me. Nobody can know I’m in here. I’m supposed to be sleeping on the couch and not be lurking around. But I can’t help it. I have to have a part of Denise and I flip through the notebooks she has on her desk, just in case she mentioned me in them. I know that young girls sometimes add the surname to the guy they’re crushing on to their own name and I look for Denise Steinherr.

Of course, I don’t find it and I’m pretty embarrassed I was even searching for it. I shouldn’t be this damn greedy. She already did a whole scrapbook for me and that’s more than any woman has done for me in my life. I grind my jaw, reminding myself that Denise isn’t a woman, she’s still a girl but the pull we have toward one another is so deep we might as well be ancient both of us. Strolling over to her closet, I open it up and inhale the sweet scent from her clothes. My fingers wrap around a frilly dress and my entire body begins to throb.

What is she doing right now?

Is she drinking, laughing? Is she in the backseat with a boy right now, letting him grope her? I see boy hands wandering over her slender body, enthusiastically squeezing her astonishingly big breasts, and I feel like putting on a cape, grabbing a hook and slashing some teenagers.

Anger flares in me and my fingers harden around the dress. Damn her for running out on me. If I find out she’s had even a drop of alcohol, she’s going to be in big trouble. And if I find out that she’s been fooling around with a boy, I’ll track him down and wring his neck. With a curse, I slam the closet door shut and I’m about to walk away when I throw a glance at her bed. It’s fit for a princess and looks so damn inviting that I linger. I imagine Denise underneath it, waiting in anticipation for my touch and I close my eyes when I almost hear her aroused breaths. She’d be so wet for me. Tell me how much she wants me and I let out a groan, sliding in between her sheets. They’re soft and I bury my face into her pillow, feeling that throbbing increase until I can barely think straight.

I’m not supposed to be in here.

What I’m doing is so fucking wrong…But I blame Denise. The moment I laid eyes on her, she yanked all self-control out of me. It’s nowhere to be found. I fist the sheets and let out curse after curse. That girl is not for my consumption. And I can’t be in her bed and anger rips in me again. I need to get out, go and sleep on the couch like a good, normal man.

For her sake, I have to be a good man. To protect her innocence. But it’s difficult… too difficult.

6.

Denise

It’s almost three in the morning when I get back home. I’m super tired and regret partying with my friends. Things got a little out of hand after a while and I realize I should’ve just stayed with mom, just like Philip told me to. I feel a little stab in my heart. He told me he’s been thinking about me but then he refused to kiss me. It made me angry and I knew that if I stuck around Philip, I’d make a scene. And then Philip would get angry at me.

I take off my jacket and shoes, sighing to myself. I have to behave. But it’s so hard sometimes, especially when I’m desperate for male love and attention.…Philip’s love and attention. I’ve never felt anything like it and I’ve never felt this weak. I’m so open to him. He had no idea, just how easily he can pluck me. I even have dreams where he makes love to me and he’s so slow and thorough that I end up waking up, trying to choke my screams into my pillow.

Flustered, I wash up in the bathroom then walk into my bedroom, and change into my nightie without bothering to turn on the lights. Something seems to be a little off, a strange vibe is in the air but I’m too tired to care and slip into bed. Ooh, finally…I close my eyes, about to drift into dreamland when a big body suddenly rolls on top of me, pressing my stomach into the mattress. I panic, flailing and I’m scared for my life, thinking a burglar must’ve gotten inside and is about to have his filthy way with me when lips press against my ear.

”Don’t scream or your mother will hear.”

I recognize that raspy voice. Relief fills me before excitement takes over and I let out a whimper. ”Phil, what are you doing in here…?”

”Hush, you little menace,” he says in a low voice and I let out a gasp, tears filling in my eyes. ”What were you thinking going out with those boys? What were you thinking leaving me just like that when I went to your graduation, and proudly looked at you on that stage.

Squirming, I try to turn around to see his face but he keeps me down. He refuses to let me move and I let out a soft cry. ”I’m sorry, Phil…”

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