Page 19 of Groupthink

I could feel my lips press into a thin line just sitting here thinking about him.

It felt like he took something from me, though I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

He reminds you that you’re not in control,Disgrace whispered.

I rolled my eyes, but I knew she was right.

I’m always right, bitch.

I shook my head as if I could shake her away. The bottom line was, that man reminded me that there were still rude people running around in the world and I couldn’t correct it. I could only change behavior within the four walls of my classroom.

But, a small sensation of victory bounced through my mind knowing that he probably noticed the absence of his pricey pen. Even though it was a stupid thing to feel petty about, it filled me with delight knowing that karma was acting through me.

For once, I got to reach out and put my hand on the scales of justice and tip the balance.

So, I reached into my purse, fished out the pen, and loaded it with my favorite gold ink.

It was senseless that I felt so delighted by this. Why was this stupid little thing filling me with such a rush of defiance and validation?

It was trivial, but it was an act of vengeance nonetheless. For the first time since my earth-shattering breakup, I dared to draw outside the lines of my neat, do-gooder life.

And just like that, I touched the tip of the stolen pen to the paper and began to write.

Using his pen felt dirty. It felt wrong.

But I liked it.

I liked it more than I cared to admit.

It felt like for once, Disgrace and I were working together. Her hand and my hand were the same; gripping the pen and pouring our thoughts onto the paper with a devious grin.

Ten list items flew by. Hell, I kept going, riding this high until I’d filled up the page.

• Tall (At least a head taller than me)

• Handsome

• Kind

• Reliable

• Neat

• Organized

• Planner

• Good cook

• Smart

• Athletic

• Clean-cut

• All-American

• Rule-follower

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