Page 76 of Love Collided

“Well, there’s nothing else to say then. If you really think I broke you up with your shitty boyfriend, I can just assume that you think I’m worse than him. And if you think he deserved even a second of your time, then there is nothing I can say at this point to convince you otherwise.”

I was quiet, trying to sort through every emotion that rushed through me. It had been a dumb question, one that I already knew was stupid the moment it came out. Chase was right. If he was so determined to have sex with me that he helped break Jesse and me up, then he would already be trying to sleep with me, not giving me orgasms and expecting nothing in return.

“I think I get too in my head sometimes, and I’m not sure what to believe.”

“Drive to the apartments,” he said, not looking at me.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Go. I won’t be pushing this any further when you feel that confused.”

“Chase, I —”

“Iwould like my car back, and there is no point trying to navigate this ‘friendship’ if you think I have some evil fucking plan behind it. Drive to the apartments so I can drop you off.”

I pulled out, quiet as I headed back to the apartment. I wasn’t even sure what to say. Even if it wasn’t right of me to say, I couldn’t hold it in. I couldn’t hold anything in.

He still didn’t say anything as I parked out front of our building, or when he came over and opened my door, or even when I got out.

Finally, I stepped back and out of his way.

“Goodnight,Hellcat,” he said, the nickname more like a curse than a term of affection tonight. I stared at the collar of his hoodie, the same one I had just had my hands under, as he got in the car.

“Goodnight,” I whispered, watching as the door shut and he pulled away.

A wave of longing washed over me, wishing that I could let myself invite him up to stay the night instead of watching him go.

TWENTY-ONE

CHASE

Once again,Scout was ignoring me. I texted her twice this week, and got nothing in return.

It wasn’t even on me to apologize, yet I was texting her asking for car updates, like when we were finishing my car.

And she was ignoring me.

For six damn days.

I wanted to be drunk, stoned, and maybe start a fight. I wanted a raging party with people who wanted my attention.

I wanted something that would make me forget about the girl who didn’t want me.

It shouldn’t even feel like this. I shouldn’t be this pissed off that my brand new friends-with-benefits said those things. I should only be in it to get laid, and now here I was about to show up at the garage again.

I picked up a joint, lighting it as I paced back and forth. Whatever was uncoiling inside me was leaving me ready to spring, and I hated it.

There were too many emotions when I was used to having none.

All I needed was one deep inhale, and then maybe a second before I could remember to not worry about Scout.

The smoke went to my head immediately, the light, easy feeling moving through my veins like fire. The burning calm finally subsided after a few seconds until I could take a deep breath.

It would probably be better to take a night off of all these bullshit emotions and worry anyway. Maybe it would help reset whatever hole I had fallen into, and get me back to my normal life.

The one that I hated.

The life where I got drunk, and high, and tried to feel anything.

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