Page 104 of Exposed

Me: Oh.

Me: Nothing.

Micah: No. Not nothing. What test did he take?

Rocco: How many times do I have to leave this text string for you guys to get the message I do not want to read through your daily bro-diary.

Brax: What test did you take?

Me: Never mind them. I need a favor, and tomorrow is your day off.

Rocco: Exactly. My day off. The day of the week I don’t work or do favors. Because when you guys need favors, I find myself moving furniture, planting trees, or babysitting. And before any of you go any farther, let me remind you, I do not do diapers.

Me: It’s for me. There will be no diapers involved.

Micah: Other than your Depends.

Me: I hate you. Roc, I need someone to look after Goldie while I’m doing a deal tomorrow.

Rocco: Did you get a dog?

Brax: See, this is why you need to be in the group chat. You miss all the good stuff. Goldie is the one.

Rocco: So you did get a dog.

Micah: This is why you’ll always be a Padawan, young man. Pay attention. King is doing the dirty with his confidential informant. Thank God, Goldie is not a dog—she’s a woman. Her evil half-brother is after her, and since King doesn’t have a castle to lock her up in his dungeon like most royalty, he needs a bodyguard. He can’t afford to fuck around with her safety because she’s pretty much his only chance for the monarchy to live on into the next century. But he’s doing it like any old-ass, creepy king would and found himself a young lass. They can procreate until he has a boy. Long live the king, and all that shit.

Me: Fuck me.

Brax: Micah pretty much nailed it.

Rocco: King is nailing his confidential informant. Does Tim know this?

Micah: That would be an affirmative, Knight Rider.

Rocco: I have no fucking idea who Knight Rider is. Still, impressive.

Me: I’m not sure what to say. Thank you?

Micah: Did you never watch TV reruns in the middle of the night, Roc?

Rocco: No. It’s like you forgot how I grew up.

Rocco: Fine. I’ll be your babysitter.

Micah: Bodyguard!

Brax: Bodyguard.

Micah: Though, Goldie is young, so…

Rocco: Damn, how young is she?

Me: She’s thirty-four. They’re just being assholes.

Brax: I didn’t say shit.

Rocco: That’s disappointing. You made it sound scandalous.

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