Page 36 of Atonement

“Again.”

I slipped one finger inside. She was coming to me now, her wetness growing as I rubbed and thrust. Her head dipped back away from me, exposing her throat. I dragged my teeth down the length of it before speaking.

“I’m sorry.”

“Once more.”

I kissed the hollow between her collarbones.

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Now love me.”

I slid back off the dresser and jerked her toward me, legs hanging off the edge briefly before she hooked them on my hips and brought me into her. And, God, it was the balm I needed. She fit around me just the way I remembered, clinging tight, and began to thrust. Her back arched, breasts thrust into the air. I grabbed a handful with one hand while the other held her hips, kept her from sliding as we began to move faster and faster.

“Wait,” I gasped, pulling out and grabbing her by the hips. “Not yet.” She followed my lead as I pushed her toward the bed, falling onto her back and watching with lips slightly parted as I kicked off my clothes completely and fell to my knees before her. I had to do more than fuck her. I needed to show her just how much she meant to me, how much I regretted what I’d done and what had happened to her as a result. I needed to worship her like the goddess she was, the rescuer that came into my life and revealed a way for me to live rather than simply waiting to die. I grabbed her hips again, fingers pressing into soft, hot flesh turning white beneath my pressure, and pressed my face against her wet core as if it contained all the oxygen left in the world.

“Fuck,” she gasped, one foot wedging against my shoulder as she grabbed the mattress behind her for leverage.

“That’s what I needed,” I whispered, drawing my tongue up her smooth folds and lapping up the wetness that tasted better than any liquor, calmed me more than any self-harming ritual. “I’ll stay here forever if that’s what you want.” My tongue caressed her clit, fingers holding tighter as she twitched with every stroke.

“I just wanted you.” Her voice broke further with every word. I leaped to my feet and leaned over her, kissing her lips, letting her taste herself briefly before pulling back to look her in the eye.

“Damn if I don’t know it, Maddie. You deserve better. But I’m not letting you go to anyone else, so I’ll have to try harder.” I fell back between her legs before she could respond and then she couldn’t speak at all. One hand went to my cock to stroke myself as she writhed underneath me, her fingers running through my hair and then pulling tightly when I found a stroke she liked. I still had so much I needed to learn about her, what made her twitch harder than anything else; if she liked to make love in the mornings or at night; what kind of drink she preferred when she wasn’t trying to black out in order to avoid talking to me.

Her toes curled against my shoulder as she came, moaning loud and long in the shitty hotel room where I’d hidden us. “I love you so much,” she whimpered. “I told you and you left me.”

I licked up the last of her cum and stood, lifting her hips so I could slide back inside before bending over and pressing my chest against hers.

“I know, baby. I fucked up so bad.”

“You won’t go again?” She wanted so badly to believe me; I could see it in her eyes, feel it in the grip of her fingernails against my neck. I thrust my hips; she locked her ankles behind my back.

“I swear.” Every kiss was was an unbreakable seal on that promise; I would die if I betrayed her trust again. I rolled to my back and pulled her on top of me, giving her the power even as I grabbed her hips and moved her over me. My eyes focused on every cut and scrape, the bruises that acted as evidence of my failure to be the kind of man she deserved, but she grabbed my face and pulled my eyes back to hers.

“Stay with me,” she said. “Look right here.”

We couldn’t both be focusing on what I’d done wrong if we wanted to move forward together. No matter what, we had to be in this together.

“I do love you. You know that right?”

She kissed me at the same time her body clenched around mine, and I couldn’t kiss her back for the gasp that caught my breath.

“I’ve known that for awhile, Meyer. You just had to figure it out for yourself.”

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I flipped her on her back again, held her hands above her head, and fucked her like the world was falling down around us. Every stroke brought me closer and closer, until I was finally falling over the edge and there was no hope of pulling myself back up. At the last second I remembered her bag on the floor of Shawn’s apartment, the small packet of white pills spilling out of it, and jerked out of her just cum started to spray from the tip of my dick. She arched her back, breasts rising to meet the spray, white splattering across her bruised and broken skin.

Easing to the side, I fell to my elbow on the mattress next to her and traced my finger through my cum.

“M-E-Y-E-R,” I spelled out.

She laughed as her head dropped back on the pillow. It was the first happy sound she’d made in a long time.

“We get it, big man, I’m yours.”

“I want it tattooed on every inch of your body.” I kissed her lips lightly before pulling her into a hug, tucking her head underneath my chin as we caught our breath on the filthy bedspread. I thought about leaving a note to housekeeping for them to burn it when we left.

My fingers skated over her bruised shoulder. I’d need to stop for some numbing lotion tomorrow once we got on the road. Maybe a cold pack, too.

---