Page 31 of Atonement

“…Eva!” he ground out.

“Don’t say her name!” I roared at him, the traitor.

“Meyer, she’s here!”

That made me freeze mid swing. I shifted my grip to his throat, squeezing too tight. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“She’s down the hall,” he wheezed. “She wants to trade.”

In the next breath, I released him and was through the door.

Madeline couldn’t leave her mother, I knew that. I didn’t fault her for offering to sacrifice herself. But it was going to make her difficult to get out of the house and to safety, where I could clean off the blood on her body and help her begin to heal.

So I sedated her. I felt sick doing it, but it was the only way I was getting her out of there. The moment the doors to my father’s bedroom closed, she became a wild animal, fighting and kicking, starting the bleeding fresh on her stomach but seeming not to care.

“Let me go back! Mom! Mommy!”

“Maddie, please. Just … this is how it has to be.”

There was no noise coming from the bedroom, and despite my revulsion I found myself wondering what was happening. What would be his first move now that he had her again, and she’d promised not to fight? Did he want to keep her alive, or would he put a bullet in her head the first chance he got? And if he did let her live, what kind of hell was she expecting to endure for the rest of her life?

Jesus, who was I kidding? He was going to rape her. Again. I tried to beat down the thought but it popped up again and again, like a bad song stuck in my head, reminding me of how I’d failed. She’d escaped all those years ago only to give herself up again, this time without an exit strategy. And of all people, I was the one who’d put her in this position. Because I couldn’t get over her leaving in the first place.

I couldn’t let myself go down that road. Eva made a decision, and I had what I wanted. That was what I needed to focus on.

Maddie was completely wild, more hysterical than I had ever seen her. She made no effort to avoid striking me as she usually did; her hands and feet hit against my bones with surprising strength. Joshua was watching us, unmoving, and I snapped at him without thinking.

“Help me with her. She’s going to hurt herself.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “I got this ready.” He reached behind him and produced a syringe, and I held her as still as I could while he injected whatever it contained into her arm. Within moments she grew weak and heavy, and then collapsed completely into unconsciousness. I laid her gently on the floor and stroked her tear-stained face, wishing I could undo everything that had happened in the past week.

“I’m sorry, Maddie.” I kissed her forehead gently. When I looked up, Joshua was holding a pile of clothes in one hand and a first aid kid in another.

“For her,” he said, and I snatched them from his hands.

“I think you’ve done enough.” I dumped some rubbing alcohol directly onto her cut and wiped away the liquid with gauze, then slapped some bandages over the open wound. They quickly turned red as the blood continued to flow, but at least it was contained. A quick glance over her body didn’t reveal anything else requiring immediate attention, thank God, but there was still so much blood on her neck and chest from the collar. Joshua tapped me on the shoulder and produced a wet towel, enough for me to wipe away the worst of the dried blood.

Thank Eva, not God. She’s the one who gave up her entire being in order to give Maddie back to you.

Joshua crouched next to me, reaching to help clean the bite marks on her skin, but I slapped away his hand. He sighed and leaned back, hands on his knees. “It was nothing personal.”

“Shut the fuck up. You’re lucky I don’t castrate you right here. How long have you been in his pocket instead of mine?”

He didn’t answer, and I looked at him once I pulled one of my ragged high school t-shirts over her head and tugged it down her torso. “From the beginning, then.”

“I wish things had gone down differently.”

“We’ve all done a lot of wishing in the past few weeks, and look where it got us.” The shorts were far too large for her, but I tied them as tight as I could. With her dressed, somewhat protected from others’ gazes, I allowed myself to release some of the tension in my jaw. Eva had arrived just in time. Barely.

I pulled Maddie into my arms once more and started for the front door. The sooner we could get out of here, the better. There was a thump from behind the bedroom door, and I increased my pace.

“I gassed up a car, it’s waiting—”

“I’ll take my own.”

“It’d be better to take this one. I made sure it’s clean. No trackers.”

I stopped short, glaring at him. “And why the hell would I believe you?”

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