Page 85 of Reckoning

A lot had happened between those two things, though.

“Is this my mother’s fault?”

He wove his fingers through mine and squeezed me back against his chest.

“I wanted it to be. I really did.” He pressed his lips against the crown of my head. “I certainly blamed her for long enough. But no, it’s not her fault.”

“I just can’t help feeling like she should have tried harder to save you.”

“She tried her hardest. Believe me.” His skin seemed to grow warmer the longer I pressed against him. “There were so many adults who could have helped me throughout the years, and none of them managed it. Most of them didn’t even try, to be honest. It wasn’t fair to ask a teenage slave to try to secret me away with her. She barely escaped with her life.”

We were quiet for a while as he combed out the tangles in my hair.

“What do you remember about her?”

A pair of birds called to each other outside the window. The sounds of morning traffic drifted from the street.

“I was very young, obviously, but I latched onto her. Conrad realized he could use me against her, but I was too young to understand that. I just knew she was the closest thing I had to a mother.” I twisted to look at him, and his eyes were glassy as he stared into nothing. “She called me her little lamb. Our last name is German—that’s what it means.” He looked at me, leaning down to kiss me quickly. “You’re my Sheppard.”

I smiled as he kissed me deeper, tongue tracing the curve of my lips.

“So corny.”

“You love it.”

I turned in place to face him, spreading my legs across his lap and my fingers on his chest. “Maybe just a little.”

His fingers traced up and down my spine, slowing when he realized I wasn’t wearing a bra. He moved his hands to my front, and his breath caught as he grazed his fingers over my firm nipples.

“I love this,” he said and dropped his hands below the hem of my T-shirt. He pulled away from me, and I leaned forward, pouting, but he quickly lifted the shirt up and over my head. I gasped, covering myself against the cold air. He tugged my hands away from where I covered myself, running his fingertips over my peaked nipples. “I dream about you like this,” he murmured, arching his neck down to run his lips over my skin. My head fell back as a shiver that started from my core ran the length of my body, stretching to the crown of my head and the tips of my toes.

“Why do you want me?”

He sucked on my collarbone before responding. “I used to stare at pictures of you. Conrad made me track your movements, your grades, everything. I know the names of every boy you ever went home with and had to hold myself back from flying out to the university and murdering them for daring to touch you.”

Knowing he’d been following me around for so many years should have frightened me, but instead, it felt like the thread pulling us together had cinched even tighter. I pushed him back gently onto the couch, letting my breasts fall against his face so he could lick my nipples.

“Why didn’t you come to me before now?”

“So you could hate me even more when I destroyed your entire world? No thanks.” His hands at my back held me steady as he sat up and switched our positions. He kissed down between my breasts to my stomach until he got to my shorts. “You never would have given me the time of day.”

“I might have, if you did this to me.” A shuddering sigh escaped me as he tugged off my shorts and kissed between my thighs, then back up my body until he was covering me once more. “I love it. I love—”

His breath caught in his throat as he sat up and pushed his lips against mine, cutting off the last word before I could say it. Who could blame him for not wanting to hear it? I couldn’t even fathom what I was hinting at, just that I knew it was true. I’d deal with his reaction later because judging by the way he ground his hips even harder against me, he wasn’t running scared. He held me down harder, pressing against me as if he was afraid I’d slip away and evaporate like dew in the morning light. When he pulled away again, I let him go. He tugged his shirt over his head before standing to remove his pants. I couldn’t ignore the shaking in his right arm or the bruise that stretched across his entire bicep, but when he fell on me again, it was with all the vigor and intensity that he’d shown the night he saved my life.

“Sit up,” I said, pushing on his chest and kneeling beside the couch. “I have a favor to repay.”

“That wasn’t a favor,” he insisted, but he settled back onto the couch and spread his legs wide all the same, giving me plenty of room to slide between them. I hadn’t gotten a chance to look too closely at him before, but now, I wanted to get as close as I could. It felt ridiculous, but I pressed my cheek against it and closed my eyes. He was so much warmer here than anywhere else on his body.

“This is perfect,” I whispered, then dragged my tongue from his base all the way to the tip. He twitched and gasped, then seized himself with one large hand and pointed his tip directly at me.

“Suck it. Now,” he commanded, and I flicked my eyes up to his.

“So demanding,” I whispered as I leaned in and wrapped my lips around the head. He groaned and let his head drop back, and I slid my lips down to swallow him whole.

“Fuck, your mouth is warm.” Fingers wound through my hair and pushed me deeper, letting up when I started to gag. He only gave me a moment to catch my breath before pushing my head down again, demanding I take him as deep as my throat would allow. I grabbed his balls in retaliation, and he let his hand drop from my head with a curse.

“I dream about this too. I’ve probably come every night in my sleep since I brought you home.”

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