Page 38 of Reckoning

I passed the week watching TV, reading, and walking the horse, all the while with Joshua at my side. He was never so far away that I couldn’t reach out and touch him if I wanted to. Not that I wanted to. I wanted to shove an ice pick into his skull. I wondered if I could trick him into walking behind Her Majesty and spook her into kicking him. But he remained the same respectful distance from the mare that Meyer had.

During the weeks I had been held, the weather had started to turn. Green leaves became tipped with orange and red, seeping color into my forested prison. In my mind, though, everything felt so gray. I needed comfort and found myself leaning on Her Majesty. She let me sag against her body, nudging my hands with her silky snout when she sensed I was slipping too far into my own head.

Unsure whether my outdoor access would remain when Meyer returned, I stayed outside as much as possible. Joshua insisted on sunscreen after I woke up one morning red and tender, but otherwise, he left me alone.

I put Her Majesty on a lead every day, first walking her through the fenced-in pasture and later through more of the open land, along well-worn game trails and on the shore of a lake hidden within the trees. I started packing food for myself to take on these walks, pointedly ignoring Joshua. He never complained, only insisting we returned to the house when his cell phone battery ran low. I wondered how many details of my day were being communicated to Meyer. Did he even care what I was doing? Or did he just expect me to be waiting for him to return, healthy and happy to welcome him home?

On what I assumed must be Friday—I had made no real effort to keep track of the days—I was eating lunch by the lake. Her Majesty was several yards away, grazing contentedly on the untamed grass. The water that day was like glass, absolutely still except for when a box turtle would raise its head for a breath before submerging once more. The air vibrated with birdsong. It should have been calming.

“I’d like to be alone,” I said, controlling my temper as a body settled down on the blanket. When I received no response, I looked up to find Meyer next to me. I concealed my surprise by taking too big a bite of my sandwich. He was dressed in his suit as though he had come straight from his office. The day was cool, but we were seated in the sun, and he took off his jacket and loosened his tie. There was the shadow of a bruise on his jaw, and I smiled at the thought that my father might have been able to land a blow on him after all.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was choked.

“For what?” I asked between bites, not caring how rude I seemed. “For kidnapping me? Assaulting me? Tearing me away from my parents?”

“For leaving you. After.”

Of all the things he’d done to me, that was what he felt bad about? “I don’t care what you do, Meyer.” I threw the crusts of my bread into the water. Tiny turtle mouths appeared after a few moments to steal them below the surface. “I don’t think there is any possible way you could hurt me any more than you already have. In fact, you did me a favor with your disappearing act. I got to be on my own, more or less, without you breathing down my neck. At least Joshua has never come onto me. And I realized how fucking delusional I’ve been by thinking something was happening between you and me.”

I expected some retort, a reminder that I had nearly kissed him the last time we saw each other, but there was nothing. He leaned forward on his knees, running a hand through his hair. I wouldn’t turn to look at him full on, but I could see from the corner of my eye that he looked thin. Drained. Faded.

“Can you trust that I’m doing what I think is best?”

Was he being serious? How could he think I would ever trust him? “How fucking stupid do you think I am?” I finally had the nerve to face him. It hadn’t taken long for him to anger me at all. “Nothing you have done since I came here has been in my interest. I can’t even imagine what you think you’ve done that you think I should be grateful for.” I stood, yanking at the blanket so he had to scramble to his feet. I shoved it into the tote bag I had found hidden at the back of a closet, not bothering to fold it. “You know, you did yourself a favor by taking off. Because for three full days, I thought I was going to slit your throat the next time I saw you.” I looked up at him, the bag on my shoulder. It wasn’t a trick of the light—his eyes were drawn, bloodshot. He looked sick. “In fact, I still might. You should tie me up again if you want to be safe.” I walked past him, bumping him with my shoulder as Her Majesty ambled back in my direction. “And let’s not even talk about how Joshua drugged me.”

“You were hysterical.” He had to hustle to catch me, giving the horse a wide berth. “I was afraid you would hurt yourself.”

“If you didn’t want me to get hurt, you should have let me leave with my parents. Or taken me home the night of your birthday. Or not let your psychotic father kidnap me in the first place.”

He reached out for my arm, and I exploded.

“Never touch me again!”

He released me as though I had burned him. “This isn’t the way I wanted things to be, either.”

I pulled at my hair. “I can’t believe this. You’re supposed to be some tough as nails businessman. You literally deal in death. But you have let your father turn you into a sniveling coward because of a grudge against his former slave.”

His face hardened. “Never say that again.”

“You don’t get to give me orders anymore.” I walked as quickly as I could toward the barn, wondering if I could sleep in the stall with Her Majesty. I had no desire to follow Meyer back to his bedroom, or anywhere else, ever again. I wouldn’t be drawn in again by his beauty. “I can’t believe how stupid I was. That I thought we could turn this around.”

“We still can, Mads.”

“Don’t call me that!”

Her Majesty jolted at my raised voice, and Meyer took a few steps further away.

“Never call me that again. My parents call me that. People who love me call me that. You can call me Madeline or nothing at all. I’d prefer the latter.”

I let Her Majesty off the lead in the pasture and began setting out food. There had been someone coming by to perform the daily stable maintenance tasks, and she didn’t need to eat, but I couldn’t face going into the house with him yet. At least he gave me space when I was near her.

“Things could be different. We could make this work.” He was pleading, begging. What happened to him when he was gone? When did he decide to grow a heart, show me empathy? I looked at him in the full sunlight now that we were out of the trees. He must not have gotten any sun where he went; his already pale skin looked nearly translucent. The blue of his eyes looked muted somehow, like the color of stirred-up water.

Another time, I would have felt hope at his words. I would have let the stars in my eyes blind me to the danger I was in, to the irreparable damage being done to my family, in the hope that Meyer and I could both come out of this alive. But everything had changed. In his pain, I only saw opportunities to wound. To weaken. I wanted to revel in his misery, but I couldn’t, not yet. It wasn’t enough.

He was leaning against the fence, watching me. Feeling bold, I walked right over to him, shrugging off the hand he put on my shoulder.

“Let me make this clear right now. I hate you, Meyer Schaf. Your father tried to destroy my mother, and now you’re destroying me. I will do everything I can to tear down your entire empire for as long as I am alive. I will stop at nothing to dismantle your relationships with whatever friends you think you have. And I will uncover every dirty secret your father is hiding and expose it to the world for everyone to see.”

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