Page 65 of In Too Deep

When I hear the door close behind her, I let out a sigh of relief and get back to my task, keeping Cat off my mind.

* * *

By the time I walk out of Grier’s, I’m sweaty and my tired mind is empty. My breath catches when I notice someone standing in the parking lot, my steps hesitating once I realize it’s Cat. Anger boils in my blood as I take large strides in her direction. My entire body buzzes with emotion as I come to a stop in front of her, my features schooled as I fold my arms and lock my eyes on hers.

“What are you doing here, Cat?” I keep my words curt, though my voice is strained.

She bites into her bottom lip, and I nearly cave when I see tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m not sure.”

Any sympathy I’d been feeling for her quickly fades with her answer. My nostrils flare as I suck in an agitated breath, my eyes falling to the ground as I shake my head. For a moment, I let myself believe she came here to tell me she was sorry, that she’d finally admit she loves me and wants to be with me. But this is still the same song and dance, and I can’t do it anymore.

“It’s been a long day, and I’m pretty sure we said everything that needed to be said the last time we spoke.” When she doesn’t respond, I lift my head and pin her down with my furious glare. She shifts uncomfortably under my stare, tucking her hair behind her ears, and my eyes narrow in on her left ring finger. “Still no ring I see.”

She sighs, shaking her head. “There was a ring, but I walked away without it.”

Hope blooms in my chest, and my back straightens. I scratch my head, running my palm over my face before invading her space. “What does that mean? Are you saying you aren’t going to marry him?”

Her throat bobs as she nods. “It’s over.”

She’s evading the real issue, and I can already feel my optimism dwindling. “No, please don’t do that,” I plead. “Don’t dance around the facts. I need you to be clear here. Did you break things off, or did he?”

She ducks her head, tucking her hands into her back pockets, and my stomach drops. “He did.”

I knew it was coming, but it still hits me like a wave. Delirious laughter flows out of me as I cup my head in my hands, spinning in a circle while I try to figure out what she’s doing here. As I face her again, my hands fall to my sides.

“So, what?” I spit. “You thought you could come here and change your mind? Now that he doesn’t want you, I can have you. Is that it?”

Her eyes widen with her sharp intake of breath, making me regret my words. “Of course not. It’s not like that.” Her chin quivers as she tries to hold back her tears, and I fight the need to comfort her. “I know you probably hate me after the things I said, but I didn’t mean them. I was just…I couldn’t…”

Her voice breaks as thunder cracks overhead, the gust of wind blowing around us causing her to shiver as she wraps herself in a hug and hiccups a sob.

I let out a defeated sigh as a tear rolls down her face, reaching out to brush it away with the pad of my thumb. As much as I want to hang onto my anger and believe I’m right to feel that way, I can’t stand to see her in pain. My hand lingers at her jawline, my head dipping toward hers as the desire to kiss her overwhelms me. I snap out of my haze just before my lips touch hers. Even though it pains me to do it, I can’t go down that road with her right now. The next time I kiss her, I need to know she’s not going to change her mind again.

“Damn it, Cat. Why did you come here? What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” she breathes.

Her answer is the same as before, and defeat washes over me. It may never change. Closing my eyes, I rest my forehead on hers, allowing myself to soak up the feeling of her nearness. The need to get closer becomes too great, and I pull away, taking a step back to put distance between us. I force myself to meet her gaze, the fear in her eyes making me immediately wish I hadn’t.

“I fell in love with you even when I knew I shouldn’t,” I admit. “I continued to love you even when I tried not to. Even after years apart. Even now, I love you.” Her eyes begin to twinkle with hope, making the next part that much harder to say. “But I can’t stick around while you figure out what you want, hoping it’ll be me.”

“I’m here now, doesn’t that count for anything?”

Sighing, I shake my head. It’d be so easy to say yes, to take whatever she’s willing to give me, but that doesn’t seem fair to either of us. “You were going to marry a man out of some sense of obligation. For all I know, you’re only here now because it’s what I want. You need to figure out what you want, to think about your own happiness for once. I can’t do this with you until you know for sure. I don’t want to spend my life wondering if you’re with me because it’s really what you want, or if you’re simply trying to right a wrong.”

Tears stream down her face as she adamantly shakes her head, and I begin backing away from her to keep from pulling her into my arms.

“Please don’t go.”

My heart seizes at her plea, causing me to stop in my tracks. I rub the back of my neck, my cheeks puffing out as I blow out a long breath. Walking away from her is physically painful, but this time, letting her go is really the right thing to do.

If we’re meant to be, if I’m what she truly wants, she’ll come back to me. She knows my heart lies with her, but I need to be sure hers is with me. Shoving my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie, I lift my eyes, looking at her without really seeing her. I know if I do, I won’t be able to do what needs to be done.

“Goodbye, Cat.”

Without giving her a chance to respond, I turn on my heel and jog away.

40

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