Page 66 of In Too Deep

Catelyn

The little Netflix box pops up asking if I’m still watching, and I flip off my television like a madwoman. Even Netflix knows how pathetic it is that I’ve laid in bed all day, mindlessly staring at episodes of Gilmore Girls. By the time I got home last night, I was numb. There were no more tears or anger.

Nearly twenty-four hours later, I still haven’t fully processed everything that happened last night. My relationship with Spencer is over and likely my friendship with Lori, but knowing something and accepting are two different things. Once you accept something, it becomes real—tangible, permanent. I’m not ready to face that. So, here I sit.

The situation with Lawrence is different, though. He doesn’t want things to be over between us, but he needs a reassurance I’m not sure I can give him. Everything is so mixed up, and I’m confused. As much as I want to believe in the possibility of us finally getting the chance to be together, I don’t trust it. Too bad my fear didn’t stop me from kissing him or taking him to my bed in the first place.

My phone vibrates on my nightstand, and nervous energy swirls in my belly as I reach over to pick it up. When I see Spencer’s name flashing on it, I hit the volume key to end the vibration. My teeth dig into my lip as I debate accepting his call. Taking a deep breath, I slide my thumb across the screen to answer it.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Cat. Can we talk?” He sounds anxious and unsure, as if he’s expecting me to still be furious with him, but I don’t think I had a right to feel that way to begin with.

My stomach does somersaults as I try to prepare myself for this conversation, the line remaining silent for several seconds before I respond. “I’m not sure I’m ready.” My words are weak, nothing more than a whisper.

“That’s all right. I understand.” The defeat in his tone causes me to squirm, kicking the cover off my body. “Would you be willing to hear me out, to just listen while I talk?”

My breath catches, and I blow it out with a long exhale. “Okay.”

I hadn’t really allowed him a chance to speak the other night, and he deserves one, even if I’m not confident I’ll be able to handle it. My feet hit the floor as my heart races, and I’m already pacing by the time he begins.

“First, I want to say how sorry I am for the way things went down the other night. I spent all this time thinking about everything. It didn’t occur to me that your head was in a completely different place or that my actions would come as such a shock to you.”

He pauses, as if waiting for me to say something. It’s amazing to me that I’m the one that cheated on him, and he’s the one apologizing. I should tell him he doesn’t have anything to be sorry for. That I’d been coming to the same conclusions about our relationship. But I remain silent.

“Also, I think it’s important for you to know Lori and I haven’t slept together.”

My steps halt as I gasp, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. “What? But you said…I thought…”

This new information has my head spinning, my anger spiking as it processes. Why hadn’t either of them said something last night? As if I didn’t already feel bad enough for the way I acted, for all those horrible things I said to Lori, believing she’d slept with him.

“We met a few months before, but we never slept together. I wanted to take her on a proper date, but she wasn’t having it. I tried for weeks to find her again then I met you and had every intention of forgetting about her. I never would’ve started dating you otherwise. When it was Lori in the restaurant that day, and I discovered she was your best friend, I should’ve been honest with you then. For that, I’m incredibly sorry. But I swear to you, nothing ever happened between Lori and me while the two of us were dating.”

The memory of the night I arranged for Lori to meet Spencer for what I thought was the first-time flashes through my mind. It all seems different now. The way they seemed to be in the middle of a personal and tense conversation as I exited the restroom makes perfect sense now. Lori ran from Spencer out of fear of any kind of real intimacy. But fate intervened, using me to bring them back together.

“Do you have feelings for her?”

“Yes, I do. I’ve felt drawn to her from the start, but it was through our friendship that I really began to…”

His words trail off, and I finish the thought for him. “To fall in love with her.” My voice quivers, and I take a calming breath. “And does she feel the same way about you?”

My lungs burn from lack of air as I wait for his answer, tears pricking my eyes when I realize I already know the answer. I’ve seen it for myself. Spencer’s relationship with me allowed Lori to feel comfortable opening her heart to him.

“I’m not certain. I think, or at least, I hope she could. But she’ll never give it a chance, unless…”

There’s guilt in his tone as he hesitates, and jealousy coils in my gut. He wants my acceptance, and I know I should give them my blessing. I shouldn’t stand in the way of my best friend’s opportunity of happiness. But if they’d been honest with me in the first place, all of us could have avoided this entire mess.

“Is that really why you called me? You want me to give you permission?”

“No. I—”

Before he has a chance to finish his sentence, I disconnect the call, my tears returning.

41

Catelyn

The restaurant is busy for a weeknight, the chaotic noise shredding my already frayed nerves as I make my way over to the table where Julianna is waiting for me. I was surprised when Lori’s baby sister called me at work today, worried thoughts instantly filling my mind when she asked if I’d meet her for dinner. Once Lori became my best friend in high school, our younger sisters started hanging out, and eventually, the four of us were all thick as thieves. I know exactly why Julianna asked me to come here tonight.

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