Page 47 of In Too Deep

She scoffs, and I bite my tongue to keep from telling her she has no clue what it’s like to really be in love with someone. She’s developed a bad habit of dating assholes, guys who cheat on her and treat her like shit, an unfortunate side effect of her low self-esteem.

“Look…” She pulls a hanger down and turns to give me her attention. Her expression is full of uncertainty as she meets my eyes, and my stomach knots with dread. “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I think you should know. Lawrence has a girlfriend.”

There’s a sharp pain in my chest as my heart shrivels, but I shrug and avert my gaze, pretending not to be bothered by her news as I mindlessly flip through the shirts on the rack next to me. “So? I have a boyfriend. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Robbie says Lawrence is in love with her.”

Her words feel like a blow to the head. I lean on the shelf next to me for support as my stare finds her again.

“No,” I breathe, shaking my head as my eyes well up with tears. It can’t be true. He couldn’t have moved on this easily or quickly. “Has he slept with her?”

I’m not sure I can handle the answer to this question, but if the answer is no, I’ll know there’s still hope. He told me he wouldn’t sleep with someone he wasn’t in love with.

Caroline freezes, her eyes filled with pity as they lock on me. “Yes.”

27

Lawrence

16 Years Ago

I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and take a deep breath as my eyes roam around the room. It’s strange being back in Tennessee for the first time in over a year. In some ways, it’s like I never left, but so much has changed since then. I wasn’t looking forward to facing everyone again, but when Robbie called to tell me his grandmother passed away, there was no way I couldn’t come. Besides, I’ll be back here permanently soon. I might as well get it over with.

My stomach knots as I watch the doors. Cat will be walking through them any minute. I’ve already been through the awkward stage with Robbie and his family, but Cat is the one I’m most nervous about seeing again. I have no clue what I’m going to say to her, or if she’ll even want to hear it. When I cut her out of my life, I thought I was doing the right thing, that letting her go was for the best. Once my mother drove us over that state line, she swore she was never coming back here. There was no way for me to know she’d change her mind so soon, that she’d come back for the man she had an affair with.

Cat probably hates me. Which I can’t say I don’t deserve. My methods, while a little cruel, were effective. Eventually, I gave in to the temptation of reading her letters. It was heartbreaking to experience months of intense emotion in one sitting. She’d gone from loving concern to pleading sadness and finally bitter anger. Maybe it isn’t fair for me to try to explain my actions to Cat now. Perhaps it’s unfair to ask for her forgiveness.

My pulse races as the doors to the funeral home open, and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me as Cat walks through them. She looks even more beautiful than the last time I laid eyes on her, her pale skin glowing in contrast to her dark wavy hair and flowy black dress.

Her gaze quickly finds me once she walks into the room, as if she could feel me watching her. She jerks to a stop, her spine straightening and eyes widening as color creeps up her neck. Just as they had in the letters, all her emotions toward me dance on her face. In a matter of seconds, her features transform from shock to sadness before they settle on anger.

She squares her shoulders and turns on her heel before hurrying away from me, and I chase after her.

“Cat wait…” She shakes her head, not even bothering to look back at me as she picks up speed. “Please, Cat. Just give me a second.”

Without warning, she comes to a halt and whips around to face me. Her eyes are full of rage as she narrows them at me, her hands shaky as she tucks the hair behind her ears. “No, I have nothing to say to you. And I no longer care what you have to say. You do not get to speak to me. It’s too late. Just leave me alone.” She stops as her voice cracks, tears filling her eyes as she rushes away from me.

* * *

I’ve tried to give Cat the space she wants, stood by and watched from a distance as she lovingly consoled Robbie and made a show of gossiping about me with Caroline. But when I see her sneak off into an empty room, I can’t pass up the opportunity to speak to her alone.

She doesn’t hear me as I slip inside, and my heart drops into the pit of my stomach as the sound of her crying hits me. I’m cautious as I approach her. Even though I’m dying to pull her into my arms—to take her pain away—I know I’m likely the source of it.

“KitKat?”

My soft tone doesn’t do much to lessen her surprise. A gasp bubbles out of her, and her body jolts as she turns to find me.

She cuts her eyes at me as she angrily wipes away her tears. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because I care about you.”

She huffs out a laugh, but it’s more of a suppressed sob. “No…” Her eyes close as she shakes her head, and she swipes away a stray tear that falls as they open. “There was a time when I believed that to be true, but I know better.”

“Don’t say that. Please give me a chance to explain. I love you.”

Her lashes flutter as she stumbles back, her chest heaving as she shakes her head with disbelief. Before I have a chance to say anything else, Caroline walks into the room, her angry glare a warning as Cat rushes out.

“She’s trying to move on. What are you doing? I thought that’s what you wanted.”

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