Page 41 of Take My Hand

Nikolai’s face is carefully blank. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You went rigid at just the mention of her name.”

“How did we get off topic? We’re supposed to be talking about you and Carter,” he deflects. “Why haven’t you let her know you’re interested? Because from the way she couldn’t take her eyes off of you the entire time she was here and didn’t even check me out once, I’d say she’s into you, too.”

Of course, he’d notice that she didn’t check him out. Nikolai’s never had a problem with getting attention from women and when one doesn’t show interest in him, the rest of us love to give him shit for the way it bruises his ego.

I decide to let the topic of Jane go for now. Maybe it really wasn’t anything and I’m just reading into nothing. And honestly if there was something going on between the two of them, it’s better that I don’t know. Because there’s no way I could lie to Walker and keep something like that from him.

And if there was something going on between Nikolai and Jane, then I don’t want to be anywhere near that situation when Walker does find out.

“Don’t you think it’s too soon for me to make a move on her? I mean, she just got out of a long-term relationship.”

Nikolai shakes his head. “Hell no. That was months ago. And don’t you think it’s up to her to decide whether or not it’s too soon for her?”

He has a point.

“I just don’t want to be her rebound.” I sigh.

“Look,” he says, leaning his hip against the counter and crossing his arms. “We can sit here and speculate all day long about what she wants. But there’s only one way to find out what she actually wants and that’s for you to ask her.”

I toss my head back with a groan. “I know, I know. Fuck, it’s just scary. I haven’t had actual feelings toward someone in a while and I forgot how nerve-wracking it is in this early stage of dancing around each other, trying to sus the other out.”

“No, dude. It’s the best. Those butterflies that sit in here”—Nikolai pounds his fist against the center of his chest— “and the way you can’t focus on anything else because they’re taking up all the space. It’s a rush.”

“To you, it may feel like a rush. To me, it’s hard to tell if it’s a panic attack coming on or just anticipation thinking about her.”

“To each their own.” Nikolai drains the last of his water before sliding the glass back across the counter to me. “I gotta get going, but tell me, are you gonna talk to her about it when she comes over to set up her studio? I’ll be expecting a progress report check-in before our show next week.”

“I’ll have to see. The time just needs to be right.”

“Fuck that,” he says, eyes flaring. “There’s no right time for anything. After what we both went through, there’s no point in waiting around for the right time. It’s here and now, because we both know how easy it is to have that taken away. If you want something, you need to go for it. No waiting around, no bullshit.”

His shoulders are tense as he takes a step back, running a hand through his long waves. The words come out rushed, as if he’s scared he won’t be able to say what he needs to before something could prevent him from finishing.

I hate the way he takes notice of my soft demeanor and immediately puts the playful mask back into place.

“Nikolai—” I start, about to ask him if there’s anything he wants to talk about, but he cuts me off.

“My trainer is gonna kill me with push-ups if I’m late.” He rounds the counter and grabs my hand, pulling me in for a quick hug. Something he never used to do, but always ensures he does every time we say goodbye now. “I’ll see you later. And I expect an update. Don’t chicken out!” he calls over his shoulder as he struts to the front door and leaves.

I debate pulling out my phone and shooting him a text, letting him know I’m here to talk about anything if he needs. But he knows that.

Instead, I walk back downstairs and out through the patio doors, eyes squinting as they adjust to the sun. I pull my shirt over my head and drop my shorts, stripping down to just my briefs. Leaving the clothes in a pile on the concrete, I walk over the deep end of the pool and dive in, the water bringing a welcoming chill to my body as I cut through it.

I break the surface and take a deep breath, wiping the droplets from my brow before I begin swimming laps. The repetition of the strokes calms my mind and exhausts my body. I swim until my shoulders ache and lungs scream for air. Flipping over, I float on my back, ears underwater and complete and utter silence surrounds me.

Too much silence normally causes my brain to stir and conjure up things for me to worry about and fester on what-ifs. But today, it’s soothing, and I close my eyes, letting the sun heat my skin and the water as I float.

Today is a good day.

16

CARTER

Me: idk if you watch your doorbell feed at all but if you do please just skip over any activity from this morning

Hayden: ??

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