Page 97 of The Edge of Never

I slid one further up their neck and loosely clutched it, feeling their pulse thump against my palm.

I waited for the guilt to set in as I deepened the kiss. Waited for my mind to tell me I shouldn’t be indulging in my desire for Kit when I was still so messed up over the death of my wife. But nothing came. My mind was perfectly content.

Is this what wanting someone is meant to feel like? Is this what it feels like when it’s right? How am I supposed to know when I’ve never experienced this before?

These were questions I would have to ponder later. Questions I should ask Callan because fuck knows, I had no clue what I was doing when it came to Kit. Acting on instinct and need would only sustain me for so long. I didn’t want to fuck up the only good thing to happen to me in two years… perhaps longer.

“Kit,” I whispered into their mouth. “Kit.”

Don’t leave me.

That’s what I wanted to say, but it came with ramifications I didn’t think either of us would be ready to deal with. So I kept quiet and kissed them until we were both breathless. Until the world faded away to just Kit and me the way it had been in the tent. That was easier than owning up to the truth. That I wasn’t sure if I could let them go when the time came for them to go home.

Thirty One

Kit

As much as I wanted to spend all day kissing Thane, I kept replaying his interaction with his parents over and over in my head. It wasn’t because I judged him for the way he spoke to them or anything. It merely reminded me of my own broken family.

Well, there was nothing wrong with my relationship with my father, but my mother was a different story. I told Thane she was dead to me. That was the truth. It might seem callous to many people, but they didn’t have the full picture. It was hard to talk about. My memories of her were worse than anything Sienna had done to me.

I released Thane’s mouth and rubbed my cheek against his bearded one before resting my forehead on his shoulder. He let go of my neck, placing his hand on my back instead.

“Ye okay?”

I sighed as I nuzzled his jumper.

“Yes, and no.”

“Ye wannae tell me aboot the no part?”

Did I want to discuss my mother with him? Thane wouldn’t judge. If anything, he would likely be horrified. It wasn’t a pretty tale.

“The thing with your parents made me think about my non-existent relationship with my mother.”

I slid my fingers into the messy bun he’d put his hair up into this morning, needing something to do with my hands.

“And before you ask, no, I don’t want to change that.”

“Am I allowed tae ask why?”

It shouldn’t surprise me that he would ask that question. Telling him before we opened up to each other about our traumatic pasts had felt too invasive. I didn’t want a stranger knowing my business. Things were different now. We weren’t the same and what we shared scared me, but I was trying not to think too hard about it. The fact I would have to leave him when I was catching serious feelings for him. It was too soon and too fast, but when you’ve gone through a terrifying experience with someone you barely know it forms a bond. We had no choice but to rely on each other. And now… I wanted to rely on him all over again. On his kindness. On his care. On knowing he had me, regardless of what I threw at him.

I took a deep breath, unable to remember the last time I spoke about what happened with my mother out loud.

“She’s in prison.”

Thane stiffened underneath me. I doubt he expected that. Nobody ever expected it. That was the thing about her. She appeared fine to the outside world, but that was never the case at home, behind closed doors where no one else bar her family could witness her true nature.

“What did she dae?”

“She was convicted of three counts of attempted murder. She’s serving her sentences concurrently, but it basically amounts to life with a minimum term of thirty-five years.”

It was typically quite difficult to prove attempted murder, but there was no trial because my mother pleaded guilty to all three counts. In fact, she told the judge during sentencing if they let her out, she would do it again. Unless she started showing remorse in the intervening years since her sentencing, I doubted they would let her out on parole. And even if they did, she would be on licence for the rest of her life. They could recall her to prison at any time.

“Who did she try tae kill, Kit?”

His voice was hesitant, as if he already knew the answer to that question, but had to ask it, anyway. Had to be sure of what he suspected.

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