Page 28 of Lost & Found

“You can’t just buy people off with your money,” I accuse, remembering that transaction that took place where my boss accepted money to let Jax come talk to me.

“Just did.” Jax twirls me around so that my back is flush against the lockers on the back wall of the breakroom and he’s toe-to-toe in front of me.

His blue eyes reflect his concern like deep ocean waters fighting against a storm as he stares at me, and I’m forced to return the haunted eye contact.

Staring into Jax’s eyes has always been hard for me. When we were young, the blues in them made me feel lost as sea, but in the coziest way possible. Almost as if nothing was ever going to feel like home if he stopped looking at me. I didn’t really know what the feeling truly meant until I realized I had a crush on him.

Now, looking into Jax’s eyes means accepting that I truly had been lost without him. But it was also a reminder of the pain that I felt knowing that I couldn’t find my way back home for a while. If I look into his eyes, I’ll admit my defeat and surrender, but I’ve already battled my war without him so I try my best to avoid his gaze because I don’t want to go back to knowing what it feels like to be lost again.

“Hollis, I need to tell you something about Liam.” He breaks me from my internal fight. “Now you might not want to hear it…” I tune him out as I realize he must have seen it too.The picture. He must have come here to either warn me, or to throw it in my face.

But before I let him finish what he started to say, I simply unlock my phone and hold up the picture to his face, showing him that I already know.

He sighs. “Fuck.”

Something like chills tingle over my skin delicately when he says the curse word. His voice is deep, and his timbre is rough but considerate, like a bold cup of creamy coffee is all I can compare it to, and I know now is not the time to feel that way about someone you’re supposed to hate, but I can’t help it.

"How come you don't look pissed?" he asks, and I suppose it would be a strange question to ask someone who found out their boyfriend is cheating on them moments ago, but he's not wrong.

I'm not mad really.I don't know what I am.

He takes my phone out of my hand and locks it, tossing it behind him on the couch just a few feet away.

His blonde hair is disheveled, like he was stressed and ran his fingers through it roughly before coming here. His facial hair is darker and gruff, like he hasn’t shaved in a while. All things that I find impossibly sexy about the man. Including his fucking eyes.

Which is why I need him to back up.

“He’s an idiot, Hol-”

“Please don’t.” I hold up my hand, forcing him to stop short of finishing what he was going to say.

He steps back, a look of defeat paints his expression, and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the fact that I cause that in him, because he’s probably only trying to help but he can’t be here right now.

He’s too close.

“What are you gonna do?” Jax asks me as I lean against the lockers. I know he’s only asking because he’s curious, and I can tell now that he came all this way to warn me of what he saw, not to throw it in my face.

“Why are you here, Jax?” I cross my arms behind my back and tilt my head to the side.

If I'm mad at anyone, it's him. Which, to my defense, he deserves because he is deliberately doing exactly what I told him not to do.

“Why are you acting this way?” His voice is raised a bit, but not in concern for me anymore, in frustrationfromme.

“No, I get an answer first,” I say a little too calmly for his liking.

He turns his back to me, assumingly to try and push down the loud sigh of irritation I could tell he was about to let out, before turning back to face me. He rubs his jaw as he grits his teeth causing his cheek muscles to flex and I don't miss the way my body takes a liking to the sight.

“Because I fucking care about you, Hollis. Why can’t we go back to being friends? I don’t understand why this is happening and I know we have a lot to catch up on, but I genuinely care about you and all I’m trying to do is-”

“You care about me? Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? Jaxon, you don't even know me anymore.” I chuckle, but not because I'm trying to be cute, it just kind of slips out. And boy, does he not like it.

“See? That crap right there. Why aren’t you taking what I say for face value? I’m not pulling shit out of my ass here, Hol.” He sits down on the arm of the chair.

It's hard not to look at him and see the man who left me and broke my heart. He keeps saying he wants to be friends, but he doesn't realize that that's not what he was to me. I wanted more. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at him as just a friend ever again.

I sigh, realizing that I just keep giving him the run around and I truly understand what he’s saying. But I don't know how I can accept him back into my life after everything I did to try and forget about him entirely. I don't know how to give up years of pain—true pain—only to act like none of it mattered, all because he decided it was time to return.

Not many people know what I went through. And a lot of it waterfalled down the day he left for Colorado. So, how can I explain that to someone who had a part to play in that, meanwhile I still can't even explain it to myself?

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