Page 27 of Sin

He dug his teeth into his bottom lip, coming to a stop before me. “Will that help? Pretending like you’re okay?”

Pushing past him, I snatched up one of the syringes from the desk and stabbed it into my stomach. I hardly felt the sting as the needle pierced my skin. “Don’t know. It seems like that’s all I know how to do these days.”

London flinched. Before he could respond, a buzzing came from the door.

London’s heavy stare held mine for several seconds. I knew he was concerned, but unless he wanted an audience, there wasn’t much he could do but pause this conversation.

He pressed a button on his watch, which unlocked the door.

“Yes?” he called as Lewis popped his head around the side of the door, peering at us curiously.

“Um, sorry, to interrupt,” Lewis said. “But I just wanted to let you know that the jet will be ready in a few hours. We can head out then. Gives you some more time to rest before we leave too.”

“Got it,” London said, still watching me with those unfathomably dark eyes. I’d gotten lost in those eyes too many times to recall, and right now was no exception. “Load the rest of what you and the others need in the van in the meantime.”

The door shut silently, locking me and London in the quiet.

“You should get some rest while you still can. It’s been a long day, so I’d like to try to sleep if I can,” I said finally, offering him an out from this conversation. And by the look that crossed his face, he knew it too. I just didn’t want to do this right now. Which was ridiculous since I’d been the one pushing him to talk to me earlier. But I’d meant what I told him earlier. I wasn’t going to push him again. When he was ready to talk, we’d talk. Just not now. Not about this.

Besides, I felt so… raw after speaking to Mend. Mentally, I wasn’t in a good spot for conversation anyway.

“You should rest while you can too,” he said finally, backing away from me, though he seemed reluctant to do so. “It’s late. The couch is a pullout bed, if you want it? Do you need anything else right now?”

“I’d appreciate a shower,” I said, a little hoarsely.

London started, as if just realizing he’d never offered me one. “I… Yeah, of course.” He swallowed harshly several times as he swept his gaze over me. “There’s a shower on the main floor you can use. Want to go now?”

Swallowing down my emotions, I nodded but couldn’t get myself to form words. He regarded me a moment longer before opening the door. He made sure I was following as he led me back up the stairs and to a bathroom down one of the hallways. Distantly, I heard laughter as the rest of the team hung out together.

A pang rang through my heart hearing their boisterous laughter and chatter, remembering when I used to have that too.

London gave me the semblance of privacy by messing around on his phone while he waited inside the small bathroom while I attempted to shower off years of prison life with a bar of lavender soap. It even took me several shampoos to remove the build up of oils in my hair, but after rinsing out the orange-scented conditioner out of my waves, the silky strands seemed to bounce to life.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to remain beneath the shower’s scalding spray, a luxury we never got in the prison showers, I forced the water off and grabbed one of the towels from the rack to dry myself off behind the shower curtain.

I wished I had new clothes too, but London traded me my clothes for the towel around the edge of the curtain, and I forced on my earlier clothes. I didn’t even care that residual water seeped into the hem of my pants.

After slipping back into my socks and shoes, London showed me back to the boardroom. We didn’t talk, and I didn’t even have it in me to care about the uncomfortable silence we found ourselves in. Still, I caught London shooting me covert glances when he thought I wasn’t paying attention, his eyes full of something I could have sworn was concern.

He watched me plop down on the couch, waited while I stretched out on the cushions, not bothering to pull out the mattress. Our eyes met for several painstakingly long moments, and our earlier conversations hung in the air around us.

Still, we didn’t speak.

With one last glance at me, he exited the room, letting it lock behind him.

I tried to sleep. I really did. I knew how important it was to rest before we set out. But just as my mind started to drift, unwanted memories and thoughts surfaced. Like they did most nights. Thoughts like, would anyone even care if I disappeared? Would I even be missed?

I was starting to think the answer was no.

My dark ponderings haunted me long into the AMs and stole any chance of sleep I’d had.

Because it really did feel like all I did was pretend these days.

Chapter Six

I’m a little snake

Afew hours later, the team retrieved me. Blade tossed me a simple, black duffle bag filled with clothes and basic necessities, like a toothbrush and deodorant. Dios, I could have hugged her when I spotted a razor in the toiletries bag too.

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