“Which is what?” She shoots to her feet. Her eyes are thunderous.
“That we remain separated. That we work together for Niko’s sake.”
She strides to the door in a frustrated march. Stopping a few paces before the exit, she fists her hands.
Her anger stumps me. I wait quietly, giving her the chance to gather her thoughts.
There is silence.
A muffled sigh.
And then she speaks.
“I never had a father. No one in my neighborhood did. I would see sitcoms with the dad sitting at the table, being there for the kids, providing for the home and it felt like a fairy tale to me. It felt so unreal to have a dad, much less one thatcared.”
She turns to look at me. “Then I met you and that fairy tale had come true. You didn’t know me well but you took me into your home. You stood up to your parents for me. You promised to take care of our child and always be there for her. You promised to care for me too.”
Ashanti breathes out. “I didn’t know how to deal with having someone who wanted to take responsibility for me. It wasn’t perfect, but if I’d been a little more mature, I would have realized that no marriage is. You were trying. You cared for us. You wanted to be a better man for us and I didn’t appreciate that.”
“It was not meant to be.”
“No, but it was. There was a time when you loved me, Ryo. Call it sexual love or love out of convenience, but you did.”
“I did.”
“Then how are you so sure that you won’t love me again?”
I stare right into her distraught brown eyes. “Because I am truly, genuinely, and deeply in love with someone else. I can no longer give you the parts of me that you are asking for because they do not belong to me anymore. They belong to her.”
Ashanti’s face crumples in pain.
I shift my gaze away. To give her privacy to hurt. But also to get my own stubborn pride under control. How is it that I can so easily express my feelings to anyone but the person they are meant for?
I hear Ashanti take a deep breath. When I glance at her again, her bottom lip is trembling, but she is otherwise composed.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to stay for breakfast. Um,” her nostrils flare as she inhales, “I guess I won’t be able to drop in like this in the future?”
“For now, I believe it would be best to stick to the appointed custody agreement.”
She clears her throat, looks me dead in the eye and says, “I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you, Ryo.”
From the foolish way I have been acting, I am not sure Dejonae would agree with the sentiment.
It is now time to correct that.
* * *
The doorbell rings.
Niko immediately hops up from the couch. She had been monitoring the outdoor camera since I gave my agreement to have her friends over.
I refrain from giving an instruction to ’slow down’. She is already halfway to the door and I doubt she would listen even if I could sign to her.
Niko throws the door open. She and Beth collide in a tangle of arms, legs and smiles.
The boys are behind her.
Bailey seems eager to jump into the huddle.