Page 155 of Forcing Fate

“Please. If I join, am I signing my death warrant? I will learn more about my father, and I might have a fighting chance. On the other hand, it might be a mistake. I might end up dead, paying the ultimate price, and for what?”

He stretched his arm behind me again and looked into the distance thoughtfully. “I want you to have the best fighting chance. Any soldier, yourself included, needs all the training they can get to make it even a week on the front. You should know, even with the training we put you through, we don’t expect soldiers to last long.

“It’s a cruel twist of fate, but the ones who last on the front are the veterans. The fresh soldiers we send every year either have a talent for war, or they don’t.

“You don’t seem to have the knack for it.” He brought his warm gaze back to me and gave me a soft look. “I hoped your tenacity would make up for it, but I watch you struggle. I hear tales of your training. And I know, Avyanna, you’ve signed your life away, and there’s no going back. There’s no easy way out.

“That being said, going to the front in six months would seem like suicide to me. I wouldn’t recommend any soldier face that fate with only two years of training. That’s reckless. However,” he turned thoughtful again, “if anyone were to know how to fight, or what you’re going to face there, General Rafe would be that man. If I could handpick someone to train you, I would choose him.

“To be honest, I have a hard time believing this—but I would venture to say if he thinks he can train you in six months, it would be worth far more than what your company can offer in two more years. Truly,” he grimaced as he spoke, “I don’t trust the man as far as I could throw him, morally. Yet, as a General, I trust him explicitly. If he’s saying you’d have a better chance if he were to train you, I would let him.”

“So, you’re saying I should join his Tennan?” I murmured.

“I’m not saying you should. I’m simply telling you what I think. You have to make that choice. That being said, I do have some sagely counsel concerning your heart if you would have it.” He winked and smiled down at me.

I nodded, urging him on. He’d given me sound counsel thus far.

“Concerning your… feelings toward Rafe. Do not act on them.”

Embarrassment burned my cheeks in the chilly air.

He continued, “Speaking of Rafe as a man and not my superior, he’s the worst kind. He will have one of two responses toward your advance. He will either take you and ruin you, or he will toss you aside and mock you for it.”

He moved his hand as if he wanted to pat my shoulder, but rather pulled his arm in to clasp his hands on his knees. “Don’t give that man your heart. He’s not deserving of it.”

My head ducked lower. I wasn’t in love with the General. I had no intention of giving him my heart. It was nothing like that. I was simply attracted to him. Perhaps Willhelm read me wrong.

“It’s not like that,” I muttered into my trousers.

“Whatever it’s like, that is advice from a man concerning a man.” He cleared his throat and eyed me. “May we never speak of this again.”

I smiled at his uncomfortable tone. “If you find it so distasteful, I’ll permit us to never speak of such matters again.”

He sighed in mock relief. “By all that is right in this world, I do find it distasteful!”

I laughed and peered up at the darkening sky, watching the few yearlings swarm in the distance above the Dragon Canyon.

And with that, my choice was made.

Chapter Thirty-Three

The next day, I woke with anxiety wrapping around me like a web. I barely ate any of the first meal, which I regretted during training, though it had no effect on my already poor ability. My day rushed by in a blur, and besides getting kicked off a rather cantankerous old mare, there was nothing out of the ordinary.

Commander Dewal didn’t treat me any differently, and I wondered if this would be the last time he would command me with his company. Likely, he would be glad to be rid of the odd one, the female, in his group.

After the fifth chime, I hurried from the training field to where General Rafe always waited for our sparring matches. I brushed past soldiers heading to the dining hall or to wash up, ignoring them as butterflies flew tight circles in my belly.

I slowed when I saw him, surveying the soldiers like nothing was different. He leaned against the giant door frame, arms crossed over his chest and feet crossed at the ankles, observing the world. When he saw me, he didn’t move, but his dark eye trailed me as I came to a halt before him. He arched a brow in question, offering a smirk.

I saluted and stood with my hands clasped behind my back. “I’m here to inform you I’ve decided to join your Tennan, General.”

He blinked and stared at me for a moment, digesting that. Straightening, he approached me, pressing so close I had to crane my head to see his face.

“Who’s to say I haven’t filled your spot?” His voice was deep but amused.

“You just said it’s my spot, sir. Being mine, you wouldn’t let another fill it,” I stated, giving him a matching smirk.

“Ha!” he barked before giving me a rare, full smile. “Go get your things.”

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