Page 154 of Forcing Fate

“Something like that.”

“Well, I shall do my best. Though tell no one that the ‘wizened old’ part pertains to me.”

I took a deep breath and settled in. “A few months ago, General Rafe approached me with a proposal. He asked me to join a special team, and I said no. He told me he would take his team, his Tennan, when he left for the front again.

“He said they’d leave by next Hatching Day, which would cut my training in half. Two years isn’t enough to keep me alive on the front, let alone enough for me to thrive.”

“You’d be right,” he agreed.

“Aye, that’s what I thought, too. He made the argument though, that I’m being taught incorrectly. As if there was a way that I could match the other soldier’s abilities, if only I was trained properly. He offered me personalized instruction if I joined him.

“I still told him no. I thought I would get better on my own if I simply tried harder, if I fully applied myself. Well, I’ve given it almost six months and I’m not doing any better. I’m still failing. My company carries me like dead weight. I’m a burden. I’m miserable and can’t keep up.”

My eyes burned, and I brushed at them angrily. This killed me inside—admitting this all out loud to a person who sat and listened with a caring heart. Vulnerable didn’t seem a strong enough way to describe the emotion that threatened to suffocate me.

“Last night, he took me to the pits.” I turned to gauge his response.

“Mm-hmm… I’ve been there a time or two,” he said, nodding.

“You?” I choked out a laugh. I hadn’t expected that.

“I have anger issues. I need to vent sometimes, especially when a certain General showed up. It’s easier to take my temper out on someone when it’s looked at as a game.”

“You’ve fought Rafe?” I blurted. Somehow that was more surprising than him admitting he had an issue with his temper. I’d never seen him angry.

“Rafe?” His brown eyes found mine, and he searched my gaze, noting my lack of a formal title. “Yes, I’ve fought him. Even won a time or two.”

I smiled and returned my head to my knees.

“Well, he wanted to show me how he’s changed the men in his Tennan. How they were misfits before he took them in and they have to fight differently. He tried to make the case that he can do the same for me. Now, I have less than six months to train… before going to the front.

“And that’s not all. He would have us go behind enemy lines, not fight in a company. That’s a death sentence. I want to learn to fight, but I don’t want to be led to my death if I’m unprepared.”

I looked up as a dragon roared and flew through the air, aiming for the Dragon Canyon.

“He also knows about my father,” I added, closing my eyes and laying my head back down. To get proper advice, Willhelm needed to have all the details. “He served with him and knows how he died. He knows what he was like.

“I’m a terrible daughter. I haven’t given my father anything more than a fleeting thought, lying to myself and saying that he was the reason I wanted to be at the front. I’m selfish, Willhelm. I want to make a name for myself. That’s all. I want to make a name for myself at the front lines, where I don’t belong.

“Mentioning my father made me wonder again. What was he like? How did he die? General Rafe is withholding that information, unless I join his Tennan.”

Tears burned my eyes as I let everything I admitted linger between us. My shame weighed heavy on my shoulders. I hadn’t thought of the people who made the ultimate sacrifice for me, or who cared for me.

“Anything else?”

I cringed, not wanting to voice the rest, but if he was to give me sound counsel, he needed to know.

“Aye.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat and bit my cheek. “I, well, Rafe is—I mean, I feel–”

“Avyanna,” he leaned forward, “has he done anything with you?”

I peeked at him from under my lashes. “Well, I mean we train–”

“Avyanna, you know what I mean.” His tone wasn’t urgent or angry, but firm.

“No. We’ve not done anything. I don’t think he sees me like that.” I rested my chin back on my knees. “But you could say I might have a crush on him. I would never act on it, I swear. But to be honest, for the first time I feel… like a woman around him.”

Willhelm leaned back and sighed. “I was concerned he would use that to coerce you into joining. If you choose to bed someone, that is none of my business,” he said roughly, then cleared his throat. “You would like my advice?”

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