Page 126 of Forcing Fate

I tensed up. I knew by her tone, she was going to ask about the attack.

“You don’t have to tell us anything. We know what happened, but you should know we are here for you.”

Elenor laid her thin, warm hand on mine. Her eyes conveyed so much more than her words. They were normally a fierce, icy blue. Yet now, they were tender—caring, sorrowful. My heart constricted with her concern and it resonated through me. She cared about me more than anyone ever had, save my mother.

My mother and I grew apart over the years. It was difficult to maintain closeness with someone who only visited two times a year. Yet Elenor and I had grown close these past six months. I never knew just how much she cared. I saw her as a dutiful Master with a job she did well.

She was more than that, though.

In a way, Elenor was a mother to every girl in that dorm. Every girl who came in without a mother, every girl whose mother could no longer feed them, Elenor was there for them. She looked after them and made sure they were fed and clothed. She listened to their gossip and learned about their dreams and desires. Elenor was the leader of the women and the mother that too many girls simply didn’t have.

I grasped her hand between mine and gave a gentle squeeze.

“I’m well—I swear it.” I assured her.

She gave me a faint nod and looked out of the cave to the frozen lake beyond.

“One thing, then I’ll not mention it,” Niehm started and reached around me to pull my chin to face her. “Swear to me you’ll take whatever training this General is giving you, and learn it. Swear to me you’ll learn to fight, that there will not be a next time.”

I bit my lip and gently shook my head. “I can’t swear there will not be a next time.”

Her features slipped into a dark frown.

“But I can swear, next time, I’ll be ready.”

I barely made it back to the bunkhouse under my own power. Willhelm retrieved dinner for me and stayed with me after Elenor and Niehm left. He remained in a chair outside the door, and I perched on my cot eating my food. We sat in companionable silence.

I was comfortable with Willhelm. He was a steady rock amidst all that had gone wrong. He was one who tried his hardest never to react to situations, and simply do what he was expected to do, yet I had changed that.

With me, he wanted to protect me, but did his best not to overstep his bounds. I knew that was not only because I was a woman, but also because I was young. He looked out for all the younger cadets, knowing barracks life was not easy. He was respected by not only me, but his fellow soldiers.

I, however, had lost all respect from my fellow soldiers.

“What is it?”

I peered up at Willhelm from my empty bowl and studied his firm shoulders and stern face. He was not only strong in character, but in body and mind as well. Perhaps that was why men followed him without question.

A dragon roared in the distance and I looked around, oblivious to the fact that I had no windows. Why would a dragon be roaring at night in the winter? Willhelm leaned in his chair, balancing on two legs to crane his head to look at the doors.

“Odd,” he muttered and settled back to study me.

Clearly, it was nothing for him to worry about. He pinned me with his questioning gaze, not allowing the dragon to distract him from my questioning gaze.

“I–” I spun the spoon around the wooden bowl, avoiding his eyes. His pity was the last thing I wanted. “I feel as though the soldiers… distrust me now.”

I knew the men would always avoid me—always choose each other over me. Yet, I had felt so close to earning their respect before. I never shirked away from a task or demand, even if I failed miserably. I gave my best in everything. Somehow, Victyr’s actions robbed me of that respect.

Willhelm made a thoughtful noise and sat back in his chair. He tugged at his hair and looked up at the ceiling as if it held all the answers. “Soldiers are… Well, they’re like wolves. They run in a pack. As they grow, develop, and train, they form bonds like family. No matter if you don’t like someone, they’re still family. We are all serving the same King, for the same purpose. We’re aligned, and that draws us closer.

“When one of their own is killed, they want someone to blame. If they’re unable to fight who they choose to blame—they fear them.” He dropped his steady gaze to mine. “They are not angry, Avyanna. They’re afraid.”

“I don’t understand,” I scoffed and set my bowl aside. “Why would they fear me? I’m nothing compared to them.”

“Perhaps Victyr was not the only one who entertained such fantasies concerning you.” Willhelm spoke the words with care, weighing my reaction.

I held his gaze, anger crawling under my skin. Surely that wasn’t true.

“Say, if another considered it, they might have been shocked when punishment was dealt,” he continued. “Perhaps they realized that could have been them. The soldiers fear you now because they know they cannot touch you, and if anyone made a move on such thoughts, they would be dealt with accordingly.”

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