Page 94 of All the Promises We Break

“We’re going out. Just not out, out. I wanted to take advantage of my west facing balcony for a sunset I think we’ll want to remember.”

I walk backward through my living room. I want to see her face every second I can for the next twelve hours. I pull back the curtains to reveal our bed for the night. I took the mattress and duvet from the guest room and laid it on the floor in the corner of my balcony. Where there were once glass railings, they’ve been strategically covered with white sheets that once in a while are picked up by the light breeze.

“It’s pretty. You didn’t have to do all this.”

“I wanted to.” I sit down in the hopes that she will follow. “Come, be with me.”

Hayley curls in between my legs. I pull her back to my chest, holding on to her. “Sitting here, like this, it’s simple, uncomplicated.”

“Wes, we’ve never been simple and uncomplicated.”

“I know. Wouldn’t it be great if…” my thought trails off.

“Wouldn’t it be great if what?”

“Nothing. Never mind. I told myself we need to stay in the present and that’s what we’re going to do. I want to watch the sky go from blue to a fiery orange, like your dress, then blend into night.”

I think about that for a second. Fade into night… like we will. “That was almost a poem,” Hayley pokes.

The faded scent of vanilla and coconut enters all my senses the longer I’m this close. My fingers thread through her damp locks while I pull them over her right shoulder. My second day stubble rubs from her jawline down the side of her neck. I can feel her sigh before I hear it. My lips find the spot in the dip of her collarbone she loves. She’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted.

The fingers on my left hand begin to strum over the thin strap on her dress. I pull it carefully over for my right to slide in across her neckline and take residence at the base of her throat. Hayley’s head falls limp to my shoulder. My left hand rides across the fabric of her dress, locking over her torso.

Everything about this moment is perfect. This is what I want. This is what she deserves. Every tick of the clock until the sun is no more is our foreplay. Every star in the night sky is a worship of her body in some way. A kiss. A touch. A groan. A thrust. A call of a name. A sigh. A breath while I watch her finally fall asleep in my arms after fighting it to the last. I’ll get to spend our last hours together memorizing everything about her.

People always leave.

This time… it’s me.

Chapter Forty-One

Hayley

I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep then it was time to wake up. The morning traffic is in full swing below us. The warmth and security Wes gave us last night has, in the light of day, become distant like before. Magnets in the worst way.

We maneuver around each other like we usually do to get ready for work. I’m going to the office; he’s going to an office of another kind. I want so badly to be able to go with him, but I know I can’t. I don’t know Hannah; other than the stories I’ve been told. I know if it was me, I’d want this to be just me and the guy. She needs that respect.

Wes and I stand shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, on the elevator ride to the street. With each passing second Wes’s grip becomes tighter and tighter around my hand. Every once in a while, I hear a tremble that’s in tandem with a ragged breath he’s trying to mask by clearing his throat.

He looks so handsome today. Dark wash jeans, black shoes, a rich teal polo, and his black suit jacket. We stand and stare at each other silently on the sidewalk with the world flying aroundus. He rests my messenger bag on my shoulder, dragging his finger along my jawline with a dot to my lips.

“You’d better get going. I hear your boss is a real tyrant.”

“Somehow I don’t think he’ll mind if I’m a little late today. Last night was perfect. Thank you.”

“No, Merlin. The magic is you. It was always you.”

“I don’t like how this feels, Wes.”

“Everything’s fine. You’ll be fine. I promise.”

“I love you.” I say it quickly before I start to cry. I can feel it rising up inside me. “Kiss me.”

He tries to smile as he holds my face so gently. He closes his eyes and gives me a kiss that I feel in every part of my body. When we need air, he rests his lips on my forehead before walking past me, down the block, until he fades into the crowd.

I wrap my arms around my body, trying to comfort myself for what this day could bring. Something tells me I don’t know if I’ll be ready for it.

I don’t remember my cab ride to the office. Usually I would take the train, but I can’t stand the thought of being around that many people right now. I at least want the option to cry without having dozens of eyes watching me do it.

---