Page 11 of All the Promises We Break

“I guess I never considered the impact their relationship had on you. She was a whole new level of self-absorbed and plain selfishness.”

“I hate talking bad about her but selfish bitch fits. She’s goddamn lucky I didn’t see her that night at the gala or I would have been the headline.”

“Hayles, you can always call me for bail money, and I think I would have paid to watch that.”

“Leave it to you to turn a fight into something that gets you off,” Hayley jabs, as she pushes me aside to dig into the pantry cupboard.

“Gets me off? What do you think you know about that?”

Hayley rolls her eyes so hard I think she snaps them out of the socket while devouring a bag of Goldfish. “I’m not twelve. Seriously. You foam at the mouth, just like most men, when they see two women go at it like that. You can’t help yourself.”

“I wouldn’t look at you like that. Just no.”

“Why, because I’m not your type? I could dye my hair red.” She winks as she slams the cracker bag against my chest.

“What are you talking about?”

“Hannah. That’s who I’m talking about. When you decide to be public where you shouldn’t be, check the room first. My study partner’s brother was at that same event and saw you leave with her then return a few ticks of the clock later a little… Happier, should I say?”

I can feel a flush I usually don’t feel when I’m busted. My friends have busted my chops in both positive and negative ways when the rumor mill, or should I say the truth mill, runs their way. I’ve never had Hayley call me out before. I can honestly say it’s the first time I’ve been even remotely embarrassed.

This is not something I’m going to talk about with her in detail. After a stunned second of silence, I walk across the room, quietly settling in on the couch beside her. Hayley’s mindlessly scrollingthrough the notifications on her phone. I reach inside the bag for a few more of those little crackers, popping them in my mouth, obnoxiously crunching them loudly. “Talking about me? I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m flattered.”

“Oh my God. You sound like a bigger pig than I already know you are.” Hayley rips the bag from me and sets it on the table at our feet.

“Pig? Pig, you say?”

“Yes, in more ways than one. And don’t flatter yourself. I don’t think of you unless it involves Eli.” She grabs the remote to turn on the television. She flips relentlessly up and down the channels, never settling on one for more than a blink of an eye.

“How can you even see what’s on when you do that? Jesus, give me the remote.”

I fire up the hockey network and an East Coast game is already in the second period. “See, now there we have it.” After tucking the remote underneath me, I cross my arms over my chest and watch not only that puck float up and down the ice, but Hayley continuing to light up her phone every two minutes, checking the time and if she could have missed a message.

“Waiting on one of your many suitors to blow you up?”

“Suitors? What are you from 1876?”

“Look, they’ll be okay. Even if tonight hits the shitter, they’ll be okay.”

Hayley starts twisting the lock of hair falling across her shoulder over and over. She winds it until her finger begins to redden then she loosens her hold. After about twenty times, and a power play later, she responds to my attempt at reassurance.

“I can’t watch Eli hurt anymore. I mean, he’s like a brother to you, but he is my brother. It hurts me in a way that I can’t even talk about.”

“Hey.” Without thinking my arm slides behind her, around her shoulders, and I pull her tight to my side. She’s right. I know thatkind of pain. “I understand. I do. I’m not the obvious choice but I can listen.”

Hayley pulls up into a ball, tucking her feet underneath her. Her left hand pulls a loose portion of my sweater into the palm of her hand. I have to listen very hard to hear the low tone of her voice. “I remember my parents always being asked if it was hard having two kids who were so far apart in age. The answers would range from a simple not at all to Eli takes such good care of her. He does. He always has. I know you remember the time where I broke my arm skiing, right before Christmas.

“You both were in finals hell sophomore year and Eli found out what happened. Mom couldn’t get me to stop crying so in desperation she called Eli. He arranged to take that final online somehow and he came right home. That was the one and only time I think he came in the front door and asked for me before even kissing my mom hello.

“I was in my bed and he kneeled beside me. He started drawing circles on the back of my hand with his finger. It was a thing Mom always did when we were sick, and Eli would do it too. I don’t know. Just seeing his face made it all better. He slept on my bedroom floor for two days before he went to his room for the rest of the break.

“He’s my forever rock. When we don’t have anyone else, we have each other. Then when Tori bailed, even then you knew he needed me. You and I were such a good team with him. We got him through. When that call from the hospital came, I thought my world was ending. I was supposed to be getting ready quickly so we could leave, and I froze on the end of my bed.

“It took my father a few minutes to get me to move. All I could think about was did I tell him I loved him the last time I saw him? When did he tell me last? Would we ever speak again? He’s my soulmate in the form of a brother. I sat by his side, this time he was in the bed, and I knew all the circles couldn’t fix it.”

Hayley and I have been buddies most of her life. She has a magnetism about her, even as a little girl. You are just drawn in to and by her. She’s smarter and wiser than her age. She sees things in very different ways and has an innate ability to empathize with everyone. I don’t always understand it, but I always respect it.

We’ve never, however, spoken like this. The only time that came close was the first few nights after Tori moved out of their apartment. Eli was pretty unresponsive. He’d eat, he slept like I’ve never seen him sleep, but there were very few words unless it was about work. In those moments, it was like he flipped a switch and was present. When the call ended, the switch flipped back.

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