Page 1 of All the Promises We Break

Chapter One

Dylan

For all the feeling my dancing takes, all the emotion, I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about the possibility of a soulmate. Until Elijah, I didn’t allow myself to get close enough.

The sun is setting a little later than it was just a month ago. It’s getting warmer too. It feels nearly too close lying next to Eli. Today was big for both of us. His first major outing, my unknown audition, and then watching him on his knee. I can feel my breathing change. The quiet is very loud.

It’s in those quiet moments the replay of the last few weeks goes round and round inside my head. Our fight. Me saying we won’t work. Him letting it happen. The accident. The consuming fear he’d leave me. Our fight back to each other. Every event gives another layer to my anxiety and another layer to my fear. Even the commitment we have now won’t erase what might have been.

I roll slowly out of bed, making sure any movement I make doesn’t disturb him. I’ll never again take for granted the simple pleasure of watching him sleep. I don’t know if I’ll ever get overmy need to do that. I think I might forever wait for him to try and leave me again.

As I’m doing the last bundle of my hair atop my head, my ring catches. I pull my hand down and stare. A symbol of his love and a bond I’ll have with him forever glistens right back at me. A heated flush rushes up my body. There’s the kind of adrenaline that gives you wings and then there’s the kind that clips them. For the first time I can’t tell the difference.

A gentle knock takes me out of my head and back to the present. We’ve seen everyone today. Who could it be? Through the peephole I see Lauren, Eli’s best girl friend, from across the hall. I love her and her girlfriend, Stacey, not just because they’ve always taken such good care of Eli, but because they’re cool, chill, and easy to talk to. That’s something I could use right now.

After turning the deadbolts, I open the door to the amazing aroma of her world-famous lasagna. “Hey. Oh my gosh, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Are you kidding? I’m a nervous cooker. When I didn’t hear back from him, I got worried.”

“Worried? Why?”

“I guess if you’re opening the door, you didn’t say no.” Lauren giggles.

“Get in here. We just have to keep it down. He’s sleeping right now.” Lauren sneaks around me like I’m going to smack her for keeping me in the dark. “I feel like I was the only one not in the know.”

“That would take all the fun out of it if you saw it coming. You liked Gigi’s ring, right?”

“How could I not? I mean it’s about the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.” I take the lasagna from her, heading for the kitchen. Lauren’s bare feet follow behind me step for step.“Thank you for this. Food was the last thing on our minds after this afternoon.”

“Tell me how he did it. He had a broad idea but fill me in on the execution.”

“It was fucking surreal. It’s almost like it didn’t happen. Eli wanted to take a walk around campus. I thought it was too soon, he didn’t, of course. We stopped at my loft first. He wanted me to get my dance gear together. Again okay, but then I knew for sure he was up to something when we snuck into the auditorium.

“He made me dance to the same music I was dancing to when I told him we couldn’t see each other anymore. I swore I’d never play Sara Bareilles again. He started the music and basically shouted at me to move. I was terrified but the music won me over.”

“Well played, sir. Damn. Then what happened?”

“I danced the best freestyle performance of my life. I can’t explain it. It’s like I was dancing as someone else or possessed or something. I’ve always danced for me, you know? That routine was not only for me, but for him. I collapsed to the floor when I was done.

“He had his parents, grandparents, Hayley, and Wes watching from the shadows. He also got the director of the company’s audition I missed to watch. He convinced her to give me a full audition later this summer. This was allbeforethe ring.” I can feel my heart race again sitting still. My hands wrap over the edge of the kitchen counter to have any hope of grounding myself.

“That had to be overwhelming. Are you okay though? You seem happy. You said yes, but I feel like there’s something else. I know I don’t know you very well but as a fellow creative, I can see when the elements are getting the better of you.”

“I don’t know. It’s just so much. There are so many things to decide. I’m having a hard time sorting it all out in my head. This wasn’t anything I planned for or really saw coming right now.”

“Neither was Eli’s accident. This is a good thing. He loves you so much. I was here during Tori. I was here after. He’s different with you. He’s the person he should’ve always been. I know he wasn’t looking for you either, but here you both are. That’s a gift. Don’t give it back.”

Lauren puts her hand softly on my shoulder. “I know it’s a lot. Just know that Stacey and I are not only here for him, but we’re here for you too. You can never have too many friends, or pairs of shoes.” She smiles. “I’ll leave you be for now. Just know our door is always open. Okay?”

I give her a small smile in return. “Okay. Thank you again for dinner.”

“You bet. Now have a glass of wine and breathe. I’ll let myself out.”

With a wink, she turns on her heel with her red flowing curls floating just behind her, leaving me to uncork the bottle of white I hid in the back of the refrigerator in case of emergency. I think this situation would qualify.

I place the lasagna in a portion of the open space where the wine once stood. I realize my hand is shaking when I try to uncork the bottle. Before pouring, I clench and release my fists with a shake. It usually works just not this time.

I’ve heard of dancers having attacks of panic before an audition or a big performance. It stems from knowing everything comes down to this moment. One wrong step, one misplaced arm or hand, one heavy leap, and it could all be over.

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