Page 14 of Cross To Bear

I rubbed a thumb along her shoulder muscle, just the once, then pulled my hand away.

“Absolutely not. We’re here for you, Maddie, even if Jesse isn’t.” She looked around at me then, that wary look in her eyes breaking my fucking heart. “We’ll get this place sorted.”

“And we have ice cream and some other treats for afterwards.”

We both turned to see Razor and Hawk standing in the doorway, several plastic shopping bags in their hands.

“You got me ice cream?” she said, moving closer.

“It’s what chicks always eat in the movies after breaking up with a guy,” Hawk said, setting his bags on the counter and pushing them towards her.

“And we have tequila, in case that shit is too girly for you.”

That reckless grin of Razor’s, I’d seen it way too often, usually right before we went and created chaos together. Though not this time.

“Cleaning first and don’t let shit get messy…” I looked around the kitchen. “Messier. This place—”

“Stinks like a rotten chicken’s arsehole?” Maddie snorted at Hawk’s dry summation. He surveyed the mess with a jaded eye. “Sexy really fucked things up this time.” He nodded to Maddie. “Go and sit down.” Hawk winced at the smell. “On the balcony. We’ve got this.”

“What? No, you… Hawk!”

Her yelp came from the fact that he’d scooped her up into his arms and then carried her out of the room, sweeping past the lounge room curtains before placing her on one of the outdoor chairs. It wasn’t much better out there. Razor and I shook our heads as we saw the nearly full metal bucket Jesse was using as an ashtray. My brother just picked up the ice cream, the snacks and then grabbed a bowl and a spoon from the kitchen cupboards and carried it outside.

“See if you can get a bowl of that into you,” Razor commanded. “Some sugar, carbs, a bit of protein. It’ll have you feeling better, I reckon. Do that and we’ll see what we can do in here.”

I expected her to fight, to protest, to do something, but instead she sank into her chair, big eyes staring up at us.

“Thank you.” That little line on her forehead formed again. “I… Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

That was all we needed. We nodded and walked back into the living area, surveying the situation, because it was clear what changes Maddie had made to the place vs Jesse. The many pillows on the couch, the throw rugs, the little photos with washed-out, over exposed scenes in frames on the wall. She was building a little nest of a home and Jesse, he was shitting all over it.

“Cleaning stuff’s here,” Hawk announced, and that’s when we went to work. Buckets were filled, microfibre cloths found, as well as cleaning chemicals. We each took a corner of the kitchen and got started.

Chapter 10

Sitting on the balcony as hot tattooed men cleaned your apartment sounded like any straight woman’s fantasy, but right now, it just had me feeling antsy. Shame, that’s what it was, I realised quickly. All I wanted was someone to help me with the chaos of our apartment, though when three someones stepped up to do just that, I felt embarrassed. When was the last time I wiped down the windowsills, or the windows for that matter? What were they going to make of the brown marks that were now permanently etched onto the cooktop? As I peered past the curtains, I saw what they thought.

Nothing.

I didn’t see looks of disgust on their faces, just concentration as they scrubbed, wiped and scoured every surface. Then Hawk stood up, unbuttoning his shirt, much to my alarm. I needed to pull my eyes away, look down, though I didn’t. Not when he drew his shirt off and laid it over the back of the couch, nor when he stood there, wearing only a skintight white singlet beneath it. Then he glanced my way. When our eyes locked together, I jerked myself back, my heart beating as fast as it would if I’d run up the apartment building stairs.

I was breaking up with my boyfriend today. That hadn’t even happened yet, so what the hell was I doing looking at other guys? As if in answer to that, my phone started buzzing. My heart rate kicked up another few notches, a white hot, shaky feeling washing through me, though it wasn’t Jesse on the line. Caller ID indicated it was my bestie from work, Mal.

“What the fuck is up, bitch?” she said in her usual boisterous tones. The woman was a goddamn senior chartered accountant, and if you believe the shitty stereotypes about our field, you’d be wrong. Mal was all business formal when with clients, wearing perfectly tasteful tailored beige pantsuits, but underneath it was a woman that had gotten tattoos and piercings from Bjorn, and had attended a few of the parties thrown by the bikers who brought their motorcycles to the garage. “Tell me you broke up with Pretty Stupid. Please, please, PLEASE tell me you did, because as I keep telling you. The pretty and the stupid are on an X/Y axis, and as the pretty rises, so does the stupid and Jamie—”

“Jesse,” I corrected on automatic.

“Is so fucking pretty, he’s got the brain cells of an orange cat. So—”

This was well worn territory. I didn’t talk about Jesse at work anymore for just this reason. People didn’t laugh along with my stories, instead looking at me with concern, then pity, and sometimes with that judgey face some women like to wear.

“About that.”

I kept thinking that I was OK with this, that it was what I needed to do, but then my throat would close up and I was forcing sounds out through a smaller and smaller larynx.

“Oh my god, I was joking…” The concern in her voice, it was everything I didn’t need, because if she was acknowledging it was a problem, it was one. She was the smartest person I knew, so her opinion mattered. “Where are you right now? Home?” I didn’t get a chance to answer. “Of course, you are. Where else would you be? I’m coming over.”

I looked past the curtains in alarm, able to see clearly the spectacle that would take place if she saw the guys cleaning my kitchen.

---