Page 120 of Cross To Bear

Like I did right now.

“Good?” I couldn’t answer, too caught up in such a small sensation was I. She was a witch who had thoroughly ensnared me in her spell, as if I wasn’t ripe for bewitching. “I need your words or some sort of indication, Crash.” My eyes jerked up, staring into hers, and she nodded. “Cayden. Is this good for you?”

My throat worked, my mouth suddenly bone dry as I tried to do what she wanted, but then faced my failure. Just a tiny little nod, that’s all I could manage.

“Good boy.” Her hand on my jaw was like waking up slowly and feeling the golden sun of the summer on your skin, knowing you don’t have to go anywhere because it’s the weekend. “I just want you feeling good, precious pet. So, so good.” Her smile took on a sharp edge, one I feared would cut me, right as I leaned into its blade. “Just not enough to tip you over the edge.” She moved in closer, her mouth hovering over mine, and I longed to bridge the gap. “Someone told me that getting worked up to the point of coming and then backing off makes the point when you finally do feel like dying and being reborn. Let’s see if he was right, shall we?”

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. My mother said the consequences of my actions would always come back to kick my arse, and I was about to find out how true that was.

Chapter 67

I walked into the house I shared with my guys, not knowing what the fuck I was walking into.

“Remember, it’s all in the vibes you give off.” Razor murmured this into my ear before kissing the side of my face. “Read him and don’t go too deep.”

I just stared at him, wondering what the fuck that meant, right before he smirked and sent me off down the hallway with a smack to my arse. But before I could get far, Hawk appeared. I jumped, then let out a little chuckle when I saw him, my hand going to my heart. He noticed that and pulled me close, the warm weight of his body helping ground me in ways I hadn’t realised I needed.

“You’re going to dominate Crash?”

“Is anything a secret amongst you lot?” I pulled away and looked up at him. “Do you guys have a little meeting to discuss everything Maddie when you get to work?”

“Should we?” His quizzical look made me laugh, but he forged on. “We saw Crash prepping for tonight and… Maddie, I’ve read about these things and this is not how it’s supposed to go. You should be having a conversation with Crash first, establishing his hard and soft limits—”

“You researched D/s?” I asked.

“I research everything.” He frowned slightly. “People are always talking about things like they’re common knowledge, but they aren’t, not to me. When I look things up for myself, I don’t have to deal with people overreacting when I tell them I don’t know something. And what my research tells me is that it’s best practice to establish limits in a cool and calm manner, not during a moment of arousal.” He darted in and breathed in my scent. “Like you’re experiencing now.”

“I should…” I shook my head. “I hear you loud and clear, but we’re not going to do anything wild today. I’m not going to spank him with wet celery or anything.”

“Why wet celery? Is it a more effective tool during impact play because I would’ve thought dry celery would be better.”

“It’s just a joke,” I said, then scratched at my head. “And tonight… Honestly, it’s about testing whether I can even top anyone. It’s not exactly something I feel confident doing.”

“You can.” His hands went to my arms, rubbing up and down. “You hold each one of us in the palm of your hand. All you have to do is tell us what you want and it will happen.”

His confidence in me, it helped bolster mine. I sucked in a breath and then nodded, trying to channel that same certainty.

“I’m not going to try and hurt him. I don’t know if I can even if he wants that, but…” I saw that perfect pale body in my mind’s eye as I watched Crash shower, then glanced up at Hawk. “In some ways I want to just turn the tables on him, get a little revenge on him for that stunt at the cinema.”

“You want to edge Crash?” Hawk’s look of relief was palpable. “That should be safe enough.” His gaze sharpened as he stared at me. “But you need to know, I think he’s expecting some anal play.”

“On him?” I blinked, then remembered the reaction he’d had to my proposal of putting an Aneros inside him. “OK, that makes sense, but how the hell do you know that?”

He sucked in a breath and then explained.

Which brought me to here.

What Razor had said was confusingly vague, right up until the moment I stepped into Crash’s room. The quiet air, the faint shine of moonlight streaming in through the window, falling over him as he kneeled. He was like an Egyptian statue, perfectly formed and still as I moved closer. I wanted to touch him and didn’t dare all at the same time. But when I did, that feeling of rightness rose.

Of course I would touch him. It wasn’t just that he was so very pretty, but that he was mine. Mine to touch, mine to rake my nails over until I heard the hitch in his breath, then soothe away with a stroke. Razor’s confidence in me seemed well placed as I used my nails to torture Crash’s nipple, his cock jerking in time with each stroke. Each one of the sleuth were my mates, but Crash… Right now, he was my plaything.

But that brought with it a terrible responsibility. I couldn’t hurt him, make him feel uncomfortable, overlooked or uncared for, and the intensity of that feeling took me by surprise. But it was easy to understand as I got closer and told him just what I’d do with all of this glorious passivity.

“On your feet,” I commanded, relishing the way he moved instantly to obey me.

I could get drunk on this power, let it go rushing to my head, make me feel I had a right to do whatever the hell I wanted, no matter how he felt… I went still, my hand coming to rest on his chest, but I saw another’s right then. Crash would’ve been horrified if he knew it was Jesse’s, but I’d never tell. Because that was part of the problem, I now realised, with that relationship, with all of them I got into.

Sometimes, in my need to surrender control to others, I handed the reins over to those that didn’t deserve to even hold them, let alone allow them to jerk me in this direction or that. But as I looked up at Crash, I knew then I would never do that again, not to him but especially not to myself. So when I reached up to touch his lips, feel the super smooth slip of his cheeks, realising they were freshly shaved. I had an insight into this whole dynamic that I didn’t think even Razor did.

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