Page 2 of Love You Still

“Better or easier?”

“Not you, too.” I try not to lash out at Lydia, but I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.

I stare at Lydia, willing her to understand the emotions raging inside of me. I don’t know how to put into words the desire to keep everything exactly how it is right now, but also the fear of losing a part of myself if I stay here in Tyson’s Creek. I want to have it all, but how is that fair? I may be able to get everything I’ve ever wanted, but someone is going to miss out. Someone is going to have to change their plans and dreams to fit mine, and then what happens? Will they all hate me for choosing myself over them? Or if I want to keep things as they are now, will I regret choosing to follow my dreams and resent them? There is no clear winner in this situation, no matter how much I want there to be. Right now, I just want to cause the least amount of damage to all our hearts as possible.

“Speaking of Vance, he’s expecting to see you at Connor’s party in a few hours.”

“I can’t, Lyds. You know I can’t,” I whisper before looking down to check my watch again. “We still have a few hours. Do you want to come with us to the airport?”

“As if I would say no. Although I don’t agree with what you’re doing, I’m going to miss you.” Lydia wraps her arms tightly around my waist, laying her cheek against my back.

Leaving home for the first time is always difficult, but this has to be a new level. I’ve spent my entire life in Tyson’s Creek. Everyone person I know lives here, but if I want to be a prima ballerina, I need to go to New York. This is the chance of a lifetime. I know deep in my heart that I need to take advantage of this opportunity, but there’s another part of me that wonders if I’m making a mistake.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and my entire body tenses. I already know who’s calling without even looking at the caller ID. The familiar chorus from “I Got You, Babe” fills the room. “Speak of the devil,” I choke out as Lydia gives my shoulder a squeeze. “I gotta take this.”

“We’ll give you some privacy. Meet you downstairs in a few minutes.”

I take a deep breath, attempting to rein in my emotions before accepting the call. “You just saw me a few hours ago. What could possibly be so important that it couldn’t wait until Connor’s party in a few hours?”

His deep chuckle comes from the other end of the line. “Is it weird that I just wanted to hear your voice?”

“I sound the same as I did when we talked after graduation.” I shake my head back and forth as another sob bubbles up from my throat. Each breath feels like pure agony as shivers rack my entire body. “There’s nothing special about my voice.”

“Everything about you is special, Seli,” he whispers, his feeling for me clear in his voice.

My mind is screaming at me to run to him. To cancel my trip to New York and give up my scholarship to Juilliard in the fall. To stay here in Tyson’s Creek for the rest of my life with Vance. But I can’t do it. My heart continues to scream in agony as I grip the phone tightly in my hand. Tears stream down my cheeks as I plaster a smile onto my face.

“You’re too good for me, Vance Kirkland.”

“No. I’m a better personbecauseof you, Selina Grymes. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I mutter into the phone before hanging up and crumpling to the ground. “I deserve this. I do. I do.”

My heart feels as if it’s crumbling inside of chest as I think about what I’m about to do. I thought I could handle talking to him one more time, but clearly, I was wrong. I can feel my entire soul yearning for one more hug, one more kiss, anything that I can get to remember Vance by. After tonight, he’ll hate me and never want to have anything to do with me again, as he should. But there’s still a part of me that hopes he’ll understand why I’m doing this to him. To us. He’s the other half of my soul and always will be, but I need to follow my dreams. Unfortunately, those dreams are leading me away from him.

A set of arms wrap tightly around me, pulling me into someone’s lap. “Breathe with me, Seli.”

I turn and bury my nose in my father’s chest, inhaling his scent. It takes a few moments, but I follow his instructions and try to draw breaths into my tight lungs. Slowly, it becomes easier to breathe. The tightness in my chest dissipates, but my heart still cries out in agony at what is going to happen next. Vance has no idea. He believes that I’m going to remain here for the summer before heading off to New York to start at Juilliard. He has said numerous times how proud of me he is, but he has a lifehere. His family is here, and there is no reason for him to move to New York, other than me.

I’ve thought about asking him to come with me a million times, but I couldn’t. I can’t ask him to come with me for the same reason he hasn’t asked me to stay. I don’t want to resent him, turning our love for each other into something twisted and full of resentment and pain.

“Daddy, why does it hurt so much?”

“I want to tell you that this will pass.” He lays his cheek on the top of my head, tightening his hold on me. “That the pain you feel will heal after some time, but I don’t want to lie to you.”

“Can’t you try? Just this once.”

“Sorry, Princess.” He chuckles humorously. “You two are like magnets, orbiting each other, lost in your own little universe. You two are meant to be, no matter how much I hate to admit it.”

“Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”

“Yes,” he answers without hesitating. “That boy will love you until the end of time.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

My emotions keep fluctuating between soul-crushing sobs and numbness. I keep waiting for the pain to subside, calming to a bearable ache deep inside my soul, but it doesn’t. What started out as an amazing morning with the promise of a happy ending has come crashing to the ground.

“Selina…” I can hear my mom choking back emotions as I turn my focus toward the door. She and Lydia have their arms wrapped tightly around each other, tears streaming down their faces. “It’s time to go.”

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