Page 68 of Daring Enzo

My baby’s life is at play, and the last thing I will allow myself is to become a blubbering mess simply because Enzo has returned. I cling onto Camillo as he closes the door behind me, careful to put some space between us. I’ve missed him every day since I ran away from our toxic situation.

What do I do?

I look him over. His hair is mussed up, in stark contrast to his usual perfectly styled hair. His clothes are simpler and his eyes calmer. There’s so much different about him.

Does mean he’s changed? Has the therapy truly worked?

I shake off the hope that brews in my heart. I have seen much progress myself since I began therapy; yet, I fear I might revert to the person I used to be with him.

What if we just aren’t right for each other and will always bring out the worst from one another?

The part of me that wants to jump in his arms is held back by this fear. I regard him as he watches Camillo; his eyes are fixed on him. There’s confusion and longing in his gaze. Hidden behind it is an emotion I wished never to see but knew would be present – betrayal. He looks at me now, and I watch as a mask slips over his face. I take a step back and look down at Camillo, holding onto him like a lifeline. He truly has changed. He doesn’t react but simply watches — uncharacteristic behavior — yet, I know not whether to hope or despair.

Does he still want to be with me? It’s been three years after all.

My breath hitches in my throat. I hadn’t thought of it, lost only in my current emotion. What if he’s moved on already and is only here for closure? My free hand folds in a fist and his eyes follow it, his brows furrowing.

My heart clenches and my chest hurts like it’s been ripped to shreds. All this time, I have deluded myself into thinking the only reason I haven’t tried dating is because I want to devote all my time to Camillo. Although is not far from the truth, Enzo has always remained in my mind. I always hoped we would find our way back to each other… for Camillo’s sake and the sake of our love.

Over the years, I've justified my actions by saying they were for my son's benefit, and that much is true. I stand by my decision unwaveringly, yet I can't ignore that he deserves to know about his child. I've braced myself for his anger, accepting it as inevitable, yet I find myself reluctant. Clashes with him have always felt wrong, regardless of the reasons behind them. Even if he has changed for the better, it doesn't erase my lie—a truth no one would easily forgive.

From what I found out both from Alessia and carrying out my research, I know he wouldn’t be here now if he wasn’t ready.

What are you ready for, Enzo? Am I ready?

I have focused on my therapy and working towards a better life for my family, and I believe I have improved. I’m dedicated to Camillo and am no longer the same person I used to be. But is it enough? Things have gotten so complicated. Will we be able to work through all these new changes and make it work this time?

There’s so much more at stake now if we are unable to make it work. We aren’t just two broken people trying to navigate through life, however we can. If things aren’t going to work, it would be better not to try than to ruin everything again.

“Please sit,” I say, pointing to the chair behind him. My voice is scratchy. These are the first words passed between us. He is upset, much is clear from his silence… understandably so. I had hidden so much from him and had lied.

His eyes remain fixed on Camillo almost as if he doesn’t hear me.

“His name is Camillo,” I say, giving life to the son he didn’t know he had.

He takes a deep breath, his eyes closing for a moment. “You didn’t lose the baby.”

Enzo’s voice is raw with pain, and his eyes are filled with sadness, causing me grief. I look away for a moment. I don’t wish to lie to him now he knows the truth.

“No,” I confess, honestly.

“Oh.”

I wait for him to say something and vent his anger. He has every right to be angry.

“It must be hard for you,” he mutters, “having to take care of him all on your own. I’m sorry you have to shoulder all the burden.”

I stare at him. “I wasn’t exactly alone. I had my family and my friends. They helped as much as I needed.”

He looks up at me. I wince as I see his eyes widen in realization. “Your friends… did Alessia know?”

My eyes seal shut. It was one thing for me and the rest of my friends to keep a secret from him, but Alessia was his sister and shouldn’t have been a part of it. Still, I answer honestly, “Yes, she knew.”

He staggers backward, his leg touching the seat I had offered only moments ago. He slowly lowers himself, deflating as he sits. He’s different from the man I used to know.

“I made her promise she wouldn’t tell you about him, no matter how badly she wanted to. She hasn’t seen the baby, except on video calls, because I didn’t want you to find out.” With every word, my guilt lifts. I shouldn’t feel guilty if all I did was protect the one who was most important to me.

I level him with a look. “I would not raise Camillo with the Enzo I knew. Everyone just wanted what was best for Camillo.”

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