Page 68 of That Secret Something

“Did that upset you?” she asked. “I thought it would be a fun surprise. I mean, why should the straight folks get all the fun? I thought with those two you’d be getting your bisexual dreams fulfilled tonight.”

I shook my head violently. “God, I could never do that… Be up there with them. I just…couldn’t.” The very idea made me want to hibernate in my bedroom forever.

She squeezed me a little tighter. “Hey, you don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, I should’ve run it past you first, but…I thought it would make you smile.”

Dammit. Those feelings of inadequacy crept into my chest again. Enjoy yourself. Have a little fun. I wished I could switch it off. But I couldn’t. Not tonight.

“I don’t want to stop you having a good time,” I said again.

Rebecca took my hand in hers. “Jess, if you’re here, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

I wished the lights were off so she couldn’t see the stupid smile creeping onto my face. “Very smooth. How many times you used that one?”

“Shut up,” she commented, squeezing me playfully. “Come on, let’s just lay here for a little bit.”

“What about Lily and the others?” I asked.

“My sister is living her best life dancing with the muscled hunk of her fantasies. I don’t think you need to worry about her interrupting us.” She pulled me back onto the bed and into her chest, wrapping her arms around me.

I relaxed into her sweet, musky scent, letting myself breathe. She brushed her fingers up and down my arms, and I leaned further into her strong embrace.

“I know you, Jess,” she whispered into my hair. “If you’re struggling, you can say so.”

Tears pricked my eyes. “I don’t want to always be the one struggling,” I admitted.

“You’re not the only one, Jess. We all feel like this sometimes, and that’s okay. There’s a lot going on.”

Tyler popped into my head. How often had he felt like this? Or Lily? I couldn’t picture it, even if it was obvious things weren’t as perfect as they seemed.

I didn’t know what else to say; my brain was completely fried. But I didn’t have to say anything. The music continued to thump outside the room, but inside we were in our own little piece of heaven.

We lay there for a while, soaking up the quiet, until Rebecca’s steady heartbeat calmed my own.

Twenty-Three

I groaned as the dart sailed straight into the board with a thump.

Jade flashed a smile at me. “That’s two more lives off you. And by my calculations, that means…you’re dead.”

I clapped my hands. “Excellent. Does that mean we can stop playing now?”

She plucked the darts from the board and sat down on a chair beside me. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sore loser?”

I poked my tongue out at her, and she laughed. “I suck at games,” I said. “Can’t we just chat?” I took a sip from my cold beer and leaned back into the booth, letting the week’s worries drift away. After the bridal shower from hell, I really needed some low-key socialising, without Lily or Rebecca muddling my brain.

I let my gaze roam the room. The pub was busy for a Friday. Jade had explained that there was an England game on earlier, which was why small groups of men kept bursting into renditions of “Sweet Caroline”. But the atmosphere was nice. It fit the little pub down to a tee, even if the décor did need a little TLC.

Jade nudged me with her foot under the table. “Fine. We can take a break to discuss your hot love life.” She wiggled her eyebrows and let out a soft laugh at my expression. “Oh, come on. You know I love to hear the juicy details.”

I shook my head, but actually it was nice to be able to gossip with someone about my relationship. When I was younger, I’d never had the opportunity—being the quiet loner at school didn’t exactly bring about a lot of offers. Now that I finally had lots to say, I had to keep it hidden. These outings with Jade were a different kind of stress relief altogether.

Rebecca found it amusing that the two of us had become such fast friends. She handled the whole jealousy saga much better than me—but I supposed she’d had much more experience in that area. Jade had also found it pretty hilarious when I revealed who the mystery woman was. Turns out they’d only hooked up once before. Jade’s brother used to work at the cinema with Rebecca, and after a few too many cocktails at the Christmas night out, they’d ended up going back home together.

It was weird. I could never picture the two of them together now. Not that I’d want to torture myself with that, but I just couldn’t see it.

What I could see, though, were Rebecca’s dreamy eyes, and the way her mouth quirked sometimes before she kissed me. Thinking of those kisses made my stomach flipflop, and only then did I notice Jade’s grin.

“I can see things with my favourite ex are going well,” she teased.

---