Page 51 of That Secret Something

“No, it’s fine. Of course, it’s fine. I’m just…surprised, is all.”

“Really?” She didn’t look convinced.

I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But it all felt so wrong. It suddenly felt like I shouldn’t be there at all. Like I was an imposter in my own life. God, Jess, you are so not cut out for this. “I’ve…I’ve never got a strike before.”

What? How is that supposed to help?

“Well, congratulations, then.” Jade smiled, but her eyes told a different story. The light playfulness had shrunk away when she moved to take her turn.

Unable to stop myself, I pulled out my phone to check my messages. I mean…it could be an emergency. Maybe Sausage was stuck down a rabbit hole again. One look couldn’t hurt, right?

Rebecca: Are you going to wish me luck for my big game, Grant?

Reading her name stirred butterflies in my stomach. I inhaled, still feeling off balance from Jade’s kiss. Be cool. Be cool.

Jess: Didn’t realise that was part of the rules…

But of course. Good luck!

Rebecca replied almost instantly. Had she been waiting for me to respond?

Rebecca: Maybe some of them need to be rewritten

Thanks tho

You enjoying your secret weekend?

Jess: Sounds ominous

Yes, thank you

Rebecca: Big word

Must be very enjoyable if you’re still texting me

Crap. Red flushed my cheeks. Any plans to stay aloof and casual had failed. I looked up from my phone to find Jade watching me.

Double crap.

“Everything alright?” she asked.

“Yeah, fine, sorry.” I really hoped she hadn’t caught me smiling stupidly at my phone. How long had she been watching?

“Okay. Just ’cos it’s not the first time I’ve seen you checking.”

Great. Now you just look like an arsehole. Good going, Jess.

My heart hammered in my chest. I wasn’t good at this. I couldn’t do this. The pressure built inside my head, and I started to feel faint. Everybody was looking at me; I was sure of it. The noise around me grew louder, each smash of the pins like a bomb exploding in my skull. The children in the next lane screamed. Tingles spread from my fingers to my chest. I needed to get outside. Now, before I passed out right here in lane eight.

“I’m sorry, Jade. I’m just not cut out for this.” My brain told me to run. My feet told me, too.

So I did, out of the bowling alley and out into the car park.

The cold air hit me as I sat down on the pavement outside, my chest heaving and legs shaking. What did I just do? Jade didn’t deserve that. My phone vibrated again. I couldn’t deal with Rebecca right now, either. It was exhausting, trying to think what I could and couldn’t say, trying to play it cool. Trying to act like I didn’t care about her as much as I did. This wasn’t me. I didn’t know who I was trying to kid.

“Jess, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Jade asked, the automatic doors hissing shut behind her.

I couldn’t look up from the pavement. How could I possibly explain?

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