Page 11 of Mistletoe and Macarons

She’s moving up and down on my cock, and now that she’s in exactly the position I’ve told her to be in, her tits thrust upwards towards me, her hips grinding against my crotch, her eyes on Matt, only now can I relax enough to consider what it means.

“Ask her how she feels, Matt.”

He swallows and I can see his erection tenting his boxers. He’s done this to me so many times in the past, made me watch as he fucked Jocelyn, made me wait. This isn’t about revenge or anything ridiculous like that. Don’t get me wrong, I love when he does that. I love the delayed gratification. I love watching her submit to him while I wait for him to allow her to fuck me or for him to deign to fuck me, but—

“How does it feel, Jocelyn?” His voice is silky smooth, lacking its usual power. My gaze flicks backto his eyes and I can almost see his hands vibrate with the effort it’s taking him to stay in control. His gaze flits to mine and I’m not sure what I see in his eyes. Caution, certainly. He’s worried, unsure. Things he never is.

“I’m so full of him,” Jocelyn says. “He’s touching me just right. There’s something I need, something just out of reach and—” She gasps as I flex inside her and press down harder on her clit.”

“Is he giving you what you need, Jocelyn?” Matt asks and I tense. That wasn’t what I told him to do why is he…?

“No,” she whimpers.

“Matt,” I growl, but he’s put the doubts back into my mind. Maybe I’m not enough. For either of them. Does she love him more because he takes control, dominates her in a way I’ve never taken the opportunity to do?

“You need to tell him what you want, what you—”

And something inside me flips. “No!” I thrust up into her, one hand moving to her shoulder to keep her body in place while my other hand moves to squeeze her nipple. She cries out.

“Is that what you want, Jocelyn?” Matt asks. I glare at him, pinching her nipple harder, making her squeal.

“Harder,” she pants. “Deeper, faster.”

“Can you do it, Ben?” Matt taunts me and I want to slap him. “Can you give her what she needs?”

The last remnants of my self-control slip away from me even as I realise that he’s taunting me, pushing me to do more, be more. I look between us once again to where we’re joined. I see her body stretched aroundmy cock, the way her skin moves as I thrust in and out of her.

There’s a fine line when you’re with a woman between giving her some control and you being dominant. I’m not sure where I’m sitting on that right now. I’m far from being the one in control, it’s my frantic movements that are giving her pleasure, but at the same time I’m controlling the depth, the speed of her pleasure. If I ask her to fuck me instead, she’ll be the one in control of all of that, but on the other hand, I’ll be the one being pleasured. But we can do this other times, in other ways. It doesn’t have to be everything all at once.

There will be other times. Some ball of tension inside of me loosens.

“Eyes on me,” I demand and she stares at me immediately. I feel a rush of joy at her obedience, beginning to see what Matt gets out of it. My hands drop to her hips and I smooth them around her warm, perfect skin, loving the feel of her where she’s more padded. I force her to slow down our movements and grind deep against her, causing her to gasp.

“Ben!”

Her head tips back and I see the signs that she’s about to come. Her breath is being held for longer periods of time and she’s clenching me tight inside her. She’s all pink-cheeked and there’s a fine sheen of sweat on her brow and upper lip. I change my angle slightly to hit her clit in a slightly different way, and it’s enough to tip her over the edge. The ecstatic whimper that escapes her throat is nearly enough for me to decide to just stop being a fucking idiot about this whole thing and get down on my knees and begher to do exactly what she wants with me for the rest of our lives.

But… I’m not going to.

She collapses against my chest, her arms still bound and causing her to shift to try to ease the pressure on them. I tug the knot free and she makes a small, sweet sound that I feel as much as hear. Her arms snake around my back, and I’d say she holds me tight, but her body is limp and sated. Her hands touch my back, her arms squeezing briefly, then they fall away. I push her hair back so I can see her face, but her eyes remain closed even though I know she knows I’m watching her.

I lean down and press a kiss to her temple, and she rubs her head against my lips.

“Ben,” Matt says, and I lift my head and look at him. We’ve lived together for two years now, been lovers far longer. Casually at first, then more exclusively as time passed, and we realised just how well our sexual preferences complemented one another’s. There have been other women between us, not to mention under us and on top of us. But Jocelyn is the one who has meant the most to both of us.

Last summer it was me who nearly ruined it before it even began. Oh, we’ve sorted the whole thing out now. I’ve apologised for my behaviour, but there’s just one thing that has never passed my lips. Something that’s poisoning our relationship. And now I need to… I’m not sure. Admit it? Maybe not. Test them to see if my fears are, in fact, justified? Maybe.

Should I do it? Should I risk everything we have for something… something that’s really been my fault from the start? Should I just let it all go? Tell themI love them both, apologise for my weird behaviour since I got home this evening, or worse, insinuate that perhaps more happened with Alicia tonight than actually did so that there’s a good reason for them to push me away and it won’t just be because the two of them are in love and I’m just some third wheel who was convenient for some fun for a while but who isn’t part of that perfect little hetero-normative future with marriage and kids and whatever else all that entails without the giant bi fuck up that is me to get in the way.

“Ben,” Matt says again, far more softly this time. “What do you need?”

Immediately I tense. How dare he? He’s doing it again, isn't he? Being the dominant one, making sure that I know that I need him to… Well, to function in this relationship.

“I need you to do what you’re told for once,” I snap. And immediately regret it. Jocelyn’s head snaps up, but her gaze is still unfocused.

“Ben,” she whispers. “Don’t…”

But I can’t stop. I’ve come this far. I have to know once and for all that our whole relationship isn’t about me always being the one on the bottom. That Matt can compromise, too.

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