Page 43 of All of My Life

I didn’t know how to feel about that. I’d never met Randall Carver before, and if he was anything like his son, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to. I couldn’t see him being happy about Chasin getting tangled up with a girl like me, and he wouldn’t be meeting me in a favorable light right now. His son was on his way to start a new life in California, and I couldn’t imagine Randall being happy about this hiccup derailing the plans that he’d had for his only son. Yeah, I’d never let Chasin not go to California, but at what cost?

“So…he knows that I’m here?”

Chasin nodded. “Yeah, he does.” He kept rubbing my hip. “He also knows that you’ll be living here with us until we go to California.”

That had me sitting up. “Chasin-”

“Don’t, Jett,” he snapped. “Just don’t. I am barely holding it together as we speak, so I don’t need you telling me all the reasons why you can’t live here.”

“My parents aren’t going to-”

“You’re eighteen,” he reminded me. “And as for your parents, I’m heading over right now to talk to your dad. I was going to leave you a note because I thought you’d be sleeping.”

He was not going to go ‘talk’ with my dad.

“Why is your dad here, Chasin?” I asked, already knowing the answer. “He wasn’t home when we’d gotten here earlier.”

“He’s here because I called him,” he admitted.

I searched his mesmerizing blue eyes. “What are you doing, Chasin?”

“Making sure that you never feel unsafe ever again, Jett,” he replied, my eyes already beginning to spill over.

“You can’t do this, Chasin,” I said, not sure what he was about, but knowing that it couldn’t be good. Chasin Carver was that soldier that stormed into battle with no regard for his own safety, and I couldn’t let him do that this time. “You have a future in California that…that’s more important than whatever is going on here.”

His other hand grabbed my chin. “Jett, nothing is more important to me than you. Not school, not Carver Industries, not even my parents.” The tears really started falling now. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, and I hated you for just as long for not loving me back. However, all of that is over now, baby. You’re mine now, and if you think that my life was all about you before, you haven’t seen anything yet. Every breath that I take is because you exist. Without you, my life is pointless.”

I reached up to wipe the tears off my face, making Chasin let go of my chin. “Chasin, you don’t need this kind of headache.”

“Since I need you, I disagree,” he replied easily.

I knew that Chasin was serious, and I could feel the weight of his love like an anvil on my chest. It was hard to accept someone so freely when you had nothing to give them in return. There was no benefit for Chasin in our relationship. There wasn’t anything that I could do for him that he couldn’t find with another girl. I came with an incredible amount of baggage, and it was probably going to take me years to work through it. Why would Chasin want to sign up for such a thing?

“I’m a mess, Chasin,” I said, like he didn’t already know that for himself.

“I know, baby,” he replied, but not unkindly. “But it’s not anything that I can’t handle.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now,” I admitted, feeling defeated for the first time in my life. Even my father’s beatings had never made me feel this way.

“I’d like to say that you let me handle everything from here on out, but I know you too well,” he said, a tender smile on his face. “I don’t think you know how not to fight me on everything.”

“I’m serious.”

“And you think that I’m not?” he countered. “All I’ve ever wanted to do is take care of you, Jett. All my fucking life, that’s all that I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”

“I…I just need a moment, Chasin,” I told him, needing to figure out what I was feeling right now.

While there was no denying how I felt about Chasin, this was about more than just my feelings for him. Up until two years ago, I’d only had one man in my life, and depending on him had gotten me nowhere. All it’d done was give me issues that I’d be spending the next few years trying to work through. Handing control of my life to another man didn’t sound appealing at all. It sounded scary, reckless, and incredibly stupid.

Love sounded scary, reckless, and incredibly stupid.

“Look, I’m not going to pretend to understand what you’re going through, then or now,” he said. “While I have my own issues, my parents hadn’t ever beaten me, isolated me, or frightened me.” His jaw ticked, his left eye twitching a bit. “I’ve also never had to experience the unfortunate dangers that women are subject to. I’ll never know what it feels like to be touched without my permission. So, I don’t want to argue with you about giving you some space, because I’m sure that you need it. However, you’re going to have to figure out how to do that while living with me, Jett.” He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re out of your mind if you think that you’re going to end up anywhere else.”

“And your parents are okay with that?” I asked, not really seeing how they could be.

“My parents have no choice,” he informed me. “If my father wants me to take over Carver Industries, then he’s going to have to deal with it.”

“Chasin, I’ve lived my entire life in a household that didn’t really want me there,” I reminded him. “I don’t feel like repeating that feeling.”

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