Page 8 of Our Ruined Beginnings

“Looks like we’ll have to finish this off later,” I tell her, my hand running over the pulse point on her neck.

As I walk away to tug Evan in the direction of our class, I can’t get the image from my mind of what it would feel like to have my hand wrapped around her throat, her pulse fighting against my fingers.

Chapter Four

Harper

IthoughtI’dgottenover the worst—that maybe the past three months of stagnating and barely living had been the worst times of my life. That maybe I’d made it out the other side. But that was before I felt him.

Before I saw him.

The moment he caged me into the locker, my body lit up. My nerves buzzed with familiar electricity, my fingers trembling with the need to reach out to him. To fold myself into his chest, feel his familiar arms close around me, and breathe in his comforting scent.

Instead, I forced myself to remain still as his deep rumble taunted me. Teasing me with familiarity, despite the months stolen away from us. His voice, which used to hold warmth and amusement, now spoke with bitterness. Hands that normally felt soft against my skin were taut with tension, veins bulging.

Hearing his anger, his vitriol spit out at me, I felt my heart break all over again. The loss of everything rushed back to the surface in a way I thought impossible.

It had taken everything in me to keep my composure, to act unaffected, but the moment he pulled away, leaving me with a lingering look I couldn’t read, I ran into a nearby bathroom, locked the door of a stall behind me, and dropped down to the floor, tucking my head between my knees.

For ten minutes I’ve been sitting here, unsure what else to do with myself, while outside, the world goes on without me. A world I avoided at all costs until recently, unable to step back into it.

I thought surviving the past three months was hard, but apparently, it was nothing. Out here, I still have the debilitating sadness and the guilt so heavy I can barely breathe, but I have to function too. I have to study and be here, where Caleb should be; walk the same halls Madden does. I have to see all of my—formerlyour—friends, who have rightfully frozen me out, and I have to go back and sit in my empty dorm room that should have been filled with my favorite people.

How do I do this? I truly don’t think I can.

The world continues to spin around my existential crisis, girls filtering in and out of the restroom behind me, noise and chatter that I’ve partially blanked out. So, when the bang comes on the door behind me, I almost scream. My throat is tight and dry from the mass of emotions flooding through me, and it takes a couple of tries for my voice to come out steady.

“It’s clearly occupied,” I snap when another loud bang comes, reverberating up my back with the vibrations of the heavy wood.

“I can see that, but girl, you best let me in.”

That voice… I shoot upright, flip the lock, and scoot forward enough that the door creaks open and I get a glimpse of ashy brown hair, the ends lightning to blonde, and a scowl that I’ve been on the receiving end of too many times over the years.

My chest tightens further, fresh panic mixing with everything I’m already feeling as I look at my best friend—or ex-best friend, I suppose.

“Harper, where the fuck have you been?” she asks with a sigh.

There’s no anger in her tone, just exasperation and worry, and my brow wrinkles. I haven’t spoken to Kinsley since our graduation. Why is she here now? And why is she not angry with me too?

She doesn’t wait for my answer, enveloping me in a hug before I can find a compelling response. My thoughts run rampant as she squeezes me tight, her familiar vanilla-and-hazelnut scent flooding my nose. It’s a great hug. Kinsley’s always been great at hugs, maybe one of the best, excluding—

“You’ve been a seriously hard person to get a hold of this summer, H,” she says, interrupting my errant thoughts, and my brow knits with confusion.

My phone remained blissfully quiet in the drawer of my nightstand, where I left it turned off over the break, and the door to my bedroom was only knocked on a handful of times—by those who worked or lived in the house.

When she’s only met with more silence, she pulls away, holding my shoulders at arm’s length and really looking at me. A choked laugh falls past her lips, and her mouth tips down in a sad sort of smile. “I say this with love, but you look like shit.” My mouth opens, but no words come, and a frown mars her beautiful face. “You gonna talk to me?”

I shake my head, unable to form words in a throat that’s tightening by the second. Talking meanstalking,and I’m not ready for that. As my best friend—former best friend?Fuck. I never thought I’d have to question where I stand with the girl I’ve known my whole life. Kinsley will want to delve into the deepest parts of my mind and force me to relive that night over and over, to tell her how we got here.

How everything went to shit in a single moment.

“You’ve got to give me something,” she pleads, stepping closer to the door.

I move back instinctively, trying to put space between us while I rack my brain for something to say, but there’s nothing. Words have always come easy to me—I’ve never struggled to hold a conversation with anyone, let alone her—but now, I can barely string a hello together while my oldest friend stares at me.

“How was your summer?” is all I can come up with, and she blinks at me for a moment.

“It was fine.Great, actually. Until it wasn’t.” Tears spring to her eyes as she holds my gaze. “Why didn’t you call me, Harper? I didn’t know.” My mouth gapes at her words, and my throat dries instantly. “For weeks, I tried to call you. Fuck, I even went as far as calling your dad, but nobody ever answered. The guys ignored all my messages, and you all went dark on your socials… I couldn’t get in touch with anyone. I was so worried. Eventually, your mom replied to an email saying you were okay.”

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