Page 54 of Our Ruined Beginnings

“Okay, Jesus. I saw Harper this afternoon, and she looked pretty upset. After everything with you this morning, I thought it was enough.”

“What are you on about? Enough what?” I ask cautiously.

“Just enough,” he says, sighing as he leans back against the sofa. “Enough of the bullying. Enough of the taunts. Aside from Kinsley, she’s got no one, Mad. This whole time, we’ve been blaming her for Caleb being laid up in that hospital bed, but not once did we think about what that was doing to her, or question if she was ok. I think she needs more people on her side.” He’s come to the same conclusion I have—that it’s time to end it. That’s good. So why do I feel so on edge? Is it because he got to her first?

“Oh, so you’re on her side now?” I bristle, my fingers tightening as he shrugs.

“I guess so.”

“And what about everything you said? This whole time, you’ve been pushing for more. You wanted her to suffer for what she did—you were in the car that night—and now you’re willing to let it all go?”

“We’re not kids anymore, Madden,” he says, his eyes darting up to mine. There’s something in the depths, but he schools his expression so quickly it does nothing to douse my rising suspicion. It’s stupid. They’ve always been friends too, but never like we were. What changed his outlook so quickly? Did the break give him some perspective too? Or did he get affected by the others taunting her earlier? “It’s time to move on. Stop this campaign. Let her live her life, you know?”

Do I get to be a part of that life anymore?

Chapter Twenty-Two

Harper

Well,thefirstdayof this semester might have been even worse than the last one. If I thought Madden and I had turned any kind of corner over the winter break, I was sorely mistaken. If anything, it’s made everything worse.

I was surviving before. Not exactly thriving, but surviving. I’d shut out any emotion I felt for him, blanked out every person who thought I’d give a shit about the shouted taunts and mocking from them. I’d put myself into an unfeeling bubble, and I was getting through it.

Winter break put me back to the summer I spent laying there, hoping and wishing for Madden to appear. To tell me that everything was going to be okay because I had him. All it took for me to need Madden’s validation once again was an old tradition and some angry sex, apparently. God, I’m so fucking stupid.

And now, I’m laid out on a brand-new bed in a whole other state, and it’s still him I think about. After he watched some guy physically assault me. After his psychotic girlfriend slashed at my face. How does he still get so much of my time and energy?

Gingerly, I touch my fingers to the tender cut on my cheek. It’s not exactly life-altering, and I’m sure it’s not going to scar, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t terrifying.

The shrill message tone of my phone makes me jump, and I wince at the sharp pain. I blow out a long breath and pick up my phone to check who’s messaging, and my heart falls into my stomach when I see the name:Evan.

Earlier was weird—really weird—and I don’t know why. Maybe because I was expecting him to berate me some more, but instead, I got the friendly Evan that I haven’t spoken to in over six months.

He’s the last person I’d expect to be on my side, honestly, especially since he wound up in the car that night. He’s been complicit in the bullying; he must be, because he hangs out with those people. Madden’s his best friend. There’s no way he hasn’t been a part of it.

But I just can’t bring myself to care about him at all. I let my phone drop onto the comforter next to me, but no sooner has it left my hand than it pings again.

Evan:Just checking in

Evan:I was thinking of bringing you up some dinner

Before I get the chance to respond, another message flashes across the screen.

Evan:Italian, your favorite

I frown.

It is my favorite, but I’d never expect him to know that. It’s very nice of him to offer, and honestly, I’m not exactly in a position to turn down friends, but I’m wary this is another elaborate trick.

While it’s not the entire student body that seems to despise me, it’s made me hesitant enough to speak to anyone for fear they turn out to be Madden or Bethany’s friend, so I spent last semester really only spending time with Kinsley. She dragged me to plenty of soccer games, but I know I wasn’t the best company, feeling watched and on edge every time I’m in Madden’s proximity, and I began to feel like maybe I was putting a downer on Kinsley’s university experience. I turned down many invitations to parties and gatherings with her, but maybe it’s time to branch out. Where better to start than with someone I’ve known for so long?

I’m probably feeling a little too defeated by Madden’s return to the prick he was before the holidays, but having someone wanting to spend time with me, someone who knows what happened—hell, who was there—makes me feel a little better and push that niggling worry away. Maybe my desperation for normalcy will be my downfall, but right now, I just don’t care.

I type out a reply, telling him I’ll meet him in the dining hall later, and as the hours pass, my stomach grows heavy with anxiety. Something in my brain niggles, telling me to back out, but I don’t.

Madden

Where the fuck is Evan?

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