Page 32 of Our Ruined Beginnings

Madden

Harper’s jumper sits in my lap like a living thing, the warmth of the memories attached to the thick cotton seeping through the sweater, tickling every nerve in my body. Her sweet, lily perfume lingers in the material, tormenting me with each inhale I take. I’m hesitant to take it, though leaving it behind isn’t an option either.

The second she rounds the corner, I snap out of my trance, ball up the sweater, and shove it in my bag. I’ll have to put it somewhere Bethany can’t get her hands on it again.

It shouldn’t matter; it’s just a piece of fabric, after all. But for some fucking reason, it does. It matters. I don’t say anything to the others, standing up to storm off to my lecture, my mood sour. But the way Bethany is still huddled around a smaller group of people instead of strutting around after embarrassing Harper has me stilling cautiously.

“We got it!” she practically squeals, holding a phone up like a trophy. “You know the code right, Evan?”

“Sure do,” he agrees, taking the phone from her. I step closer to see what’s so interesting and see a photo of Harper and Caleb in the background. That’s her phone.

“What are you doing?” I bark, and they both jump.

“Jeez, man,” Evan complains. “You nearly made me drop it.”

“Who cares?” Bethany scoffs. “May as well smash the thing.”

“You went to the trouble of getting someone to sneak it out of her bag and you’re just gonna smash it?” Lacy asks, earning herself a filthy glare from Bethany.

“Of course not. What do you think? Share her photos? Send a sext to the dean? Maybe she’s got nudes…”

A rush of unwanted jealousy rushes through me at the thought of anyone looking at her private photos, and as much as it pisses me off, I reach out and snatch the phone from Evan anyway.

“Grow the fu—”

“Give it back!” I spin to see Harper has reappeared behind me, maybe even angrier than she was before. She looks down at the unlocked phone in my hand and shakes her head in disgust. Or maybe it’s disappointment. Neither sits massively well with me.

I glare back at her, anger the easiest emotion to guard myself with. To be fair, I’m angry with her for assuming I’d be the one to steal and unlock it. I’m angry that Evan knew her passcode—how the fuck does he know it? I’m angry at myself for just about every decision I’ve made recently. Makes sense. I’m angry at everyone else, at the world.

“I don’t get it,” she continues, with a frown. “What’s the point of this one? Are you trying to take awayeveryway I still feel connected to him?”

I know she’s talking about Caleb; probably thinking about all of the messages and voicemails and photos she’d have on here, of him—of them together. I hadn’t even thought about that, and I don’t know how to answer, but Harper doesn’t wait anyway.

“You think I don’t deserve to be here or shouldn’t be here without him, whatever. But taking away what I have of him? From him? The sweater, the photos, the messages. You think I deserve that? To have him completely wiped from me? What good is erasing him from my life, from my memories, doing? How could you do that? How can you take our history from me?”

I didn’t do shit, but I can’t bring myself to tell her that. Let her be angry with me. I’m fucking furious with her and her self-righteous behavior.

“Itook him fromyou? Is that a fucking joke, Lily?” Her anger drops slightly, regret flickering across her eyes. Her shoulders slump a little, like she’s defeated, but she still doesn’t back down. She never has before; why would she start now?

“I know you have shit you want to say to me,” she continues. “More blame you want to throw in my face. So say what you need to,” she says softly. “Say it all, because this is the only chance I’m giving you before we’re done, Madden.”

“Iwishwe were done! I wish I didn’t have to see you swanning around like you deserve to be here. I wish I could trade you for him.”

Silence hangs in the air, but I don’t even regret what I said, not straight away. If she weren’t here, then at least I wouldn’t be forced to hate her—the girl I wanted to build my future around, the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. She wouldn’t have become this selfish person who chose her own thrills over other people’s safety and ripped everything out from under us. I don’t regret a single word of it … until her face falls.

The fight goes from her shoulders, and the first tear runs straight down her face to drop off her chin. Bethany makes a mockingawwsound from behind us, and there are scattered laughs, but Harper doesn’t acknowledge any of it.

“You’re right. He’s not here, and that’s my fault. You deserve to hate me for that. Hell, I’m only just learning to live with myself. But don’t you dare think you’re doing any of this in his honor or to avenge him. You should’ve come to me—let me have it. I can take it. Instead, you brought everyone else into this game of tearing me down. He would besodisappointed in you right now.”

We stare each other down for what could be moments or minutes—I don’t fucking know—and Harper doesn’t seem to care, content to let our vicious words seep into each other as we watch the wreckage happen.

“He’s not around to see it, thanks to you.”

She blinks, and a small, sad smile tugs at her lips, defeat written across her face as another tear falls.

“Goodbye, Madden.”

Chapter Fourteen

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