Page 100 of If You Dare

I’m still in love with him, and I know I will be for a long time. Long after he’s moved on and fallen in love with someone else. The reality of that future already makes my chest ache.

Aneesa storms into the room when she finds me still in bed. “It’s been three days, Violet. You can’t wallow over that asshole forever.”

I’ve hardly left my bed. Haven’t showered, haven’t gone to class, and haven’t written a word. I can’t wrap my head around how I’ll ever finish my book now. How can I write a love story when I’ve lost my muse?

Aneesa rips the blanket off me like that will convince me to get out of bed. All it does is make me curl into a tighter ball. At least my breakup with Wes has gotten Aneesa to talk to me again.

“I’m not bringing you food anymore. You’ll need to actually get out of bed and go to the dining hall with me.”

“I’m not hungry,” I mumble. Since Chloe died, I can’t remember the last time I had an appetite.

Aneesa sits on the edge of my mattress, features softer and voice gentler. “You need to keep living your life, Violet. Go to class and get your degree. You can’t throw away everything you’ve worked for over Wes Novak.”

I grab my pillow to stifle my sob. That’s what Aneesa doesn’t understand. None of this is just over Wes. Every night, I relive the same nightmare, waking with a gasp in a puddle of sweat. But it’s not a nightmare—it’s a memory. Of the night I would give anything to take back.

My words crack alongside my heart. “I miss her so much.”

Chloe would have all the answers. She would know what to say to Wes to get him to see reason. Know what to say to me to pull me out from this pit I’ve fallen into that I’m not sure I’ll ever claw my way out of.

But she’s not here. My best friend drowned right in front of me. Because of me.

Being with Wes helped me forget, helped me gather the pieces of my shattered heart and start to put them back together. But that deep, raw wound has never healed.

Maybe it never will, and I’m still not sure how I can keep living when she isn’t.

“Chloe would want you to take care of yourself.” Aneesa’s voice is low and soothing as she rubs my shoulder, shaking with a sob. “She wouldn’t want to see you punishing yourself for the rest of your life, Violet. Chloe’s already forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself now.”

I hurt my best friend. I lost her.

The ache of her absence still weighs heavy on my chest every day. With every breath.

I’ve been expecting Wes to forgive me. But how can he when I can’t even forgive myself?

* * *

Wes

Coach has been ridingmy ass the entire practice. “Head in the game, Novak!”

Blades cut through ice and guys shout. Sounds that used to get my adrenaline pumping, but I can’t get my mind off Violet. She’s seeped into my brain like poison.

I can’t trust her. I saw what she was doing with Trey with my own fucking eyes. Saw the pictures he took of her smiling on her knees before him. Forgiving her for Chloe was impossible enough. Every time I turn around, she stabs me in the back.

Coach blows his whistle when a tall girl steps onto the ice. He shouts at her that this is a closed practice, not that that’s ever stopped any of the puck bunnies, but she completely ignores him and waves at me, a deep scowl on her face.

Behind her, the librarian hobbles up.Oh fuck. I’m in deep shit.

“Give me five minutes, Coach,” I call.

He rolls his eyes but lets me go.

When I reach the wall, the librarian plants her hands on her brittle hips. “I thought I told you not to hurt her.”

Before I can defend myself, Aneesa jumps in. “You have no right to treat her like this. I’m sorry you lost your sister, but it was an accident, and you’re not justice incarnate. You need to leave Violet alone.”

My nostrils flare. So she sent her only allies on campus after me. Like I’m the fucking problem here. Typical women protecting their own even when they’re in the wrong. “Don’t worry. I’m happy to leave her alone.”

“She didn’t cheat on you, and you know that. Why she was with you in the first place is a mystery to me, but Violet isn’t that kind of person. She wouldn’t do that, least of all with a guy as shitty as Trey. Even if she chose you, she does have some standards.”

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